If people relied on the movies to tell them what happens in bed the night your spouse comes home from a deployment, we would see a woman running in to her soldiers arms, no long waits, no changed flight times, and no grumpy kids. This would be followed by a passionate love making scene like only a Hollywood movie could portray.
I can’t speak for every military spouse and their husband or wife but I can assure you that for my husband and I it didn’t happen as smoothly as we would have liked.
My husband’s first deployment was originally 18 months long and shortened to 15 months. Either way it was a very LONG time.
I’m not afraid to admit that as much as we loved each other-that deployment took a toll on us mentally and emotionally. It was still early on the in the war, and communication was sporadic. He was frustrated and his job was stressful. I was young and new to deployments and at times stressed. You know the normal things us wives deal with on top of having a husband in a combat zone.
By the time he was due home we had put all of the above behind us, but reality was setting in that out of 555 days we had only seen each other for fourteen of them. Yes, he was my best friend and sure I figured once we saw each other again intimacy would be normal, but it wasn’t…not at first.
My husband returned from that deployment at around 11am in the morning. For the better part of the day he was kept busy playing with the kids, tinkering around the house, and relaxing since he hadn’t done that for a while in a nice clean environment.
Then came the evening and naturally the notion of intimacy arose. Needless to say we didn’t do the “do” the first night. The next day after we talked we felt like it was too expected and it didn’t seem natural. While I didn’t want to hurt his feelings for a good day or so I felt awkward like I was getting ready to sleep with a stranger. I know for some that might be hard to understand, but it was just a weird feeling that I couldn’t shake.
I was pissed a myself because R&R was the BOMB! No problems there! But then again we were one of the unlucky ones that got stuck with an R&R at the very beginning of the deployment, so not much time had passed since he left.
I think both of us needed to decompress from the deployment. I hadn’t had to do “those” wifely duties in quite some time, plus there was just so much going on after the deployment with reintegration briefings and so on.
Surprisingly the husband understood. Sure he was a man and could have went for some much needed pleasure after over a year of not having it, but I think for both of us having the right emotional environment was just as important as getting our rocks off!
A few days later life was back to normal in that area again. I was a little bummed that we didn’t have that dramatic passionate exchange like in the movies, but I was happy that we waited until we were comfortable. It was worth it!
Have you ever experienced a little uneasiness in the intimacy department after a homecoming?
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