When hubby deployed, it was of course hard and I had a butt load of emotions floating through me. As I got further into the deployment I naturally had no choice but to find ways to keep myself busy but then I started feeling guilty that the things I was able to enjoy …hubby couldn’t.
To some these things may seem petty, but to me my heart would literally break when I thought about all the things he was lacking over there while I was living it up over here.
1. Venturing To New Places
We were lucky enough to get stationed in two of the most beautifulest places I have ever lived. They were Savannah, Georgia and Oahu, Hawaii. At both of those duty stations we had only been there a few months before he had to deploy. We love architecture and history so you can only imagine how much it hurt me to visit so many new incredible places without him. I know he didn’t mind and that he wanted me to get out of the house, but I felt so bad that I was able to see all these cool things and he was sitting in hot ass Iraq.
2. Cooking Homemade Meals and Eating Out
My hubby complained a lot about the food there lacking seasoning and flat out tasting awful. Because we are self proclaimed “foodies” we loved exploring new eateries together and this was something I did a lot by myself when he was deployed. I wouldn’t feel bad when I was indulging in the delectable goodness of some of those foods but I sure did feel bad when I got home. The worst part would be when I would cook his favorite homemade meals or post pictures of a new dish I made, and he would comment “looks good babe” or man sure wish I was home to try that”. Ugh he knew how to pull at a chick’s heart strings!
3. Going Home On Leave and Having Family Visit
Of course I couldn’t just sit home the whole time he was deployed, so naturally I would go home and visit family. Again I hated the fact that I was having fun and seeing his family and mine but he couldn’t.
4. Having To Tell Him A Family Member Passed
I will never forget having to tell my hubby that his only aunt and the only other woman he considered an aunt had both passed away. He was very close to them and could not come to the states for their funerals. He never even got to say goodbye or pay his respects.
5. Getting To Spend The Holidays With Kids and Family
Although I know my husband wouldn’t want me to feel guilty about doing something that was out of my control as a wife and a mom it made me feel so guilty to create these memories and know that he wasn’t getting to do the same. I hated imagining him just hanging in his room on those special holidays alone.
6. Being Alone
The last thing that really bothered me is that at times I really enjoyed my me time and being alone. Of course I loved my husband and I missed him so much but I almost enjoyed in a weird freakish way just creating my own routine and no interference. Talking about a #fail on my part!
What things did you feel guilty about during your deployments?
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