Sometime I get so many emails that I just store them in a folder until I can concoct a blog post answering that question. One of the top questions I always get is ” My husband is going to BCT, what do I need to know about being an Army Wife?”.
The truth is everything you need to know has to be gained by just really living the life. Everyone’s experience will be different and you will gain your own outline and plan for this life. That being said being a military is not all that different from just being a wife. If you are the type who makes your husband’s career yours then yes it can be a lot on you but if you accept the lifestyle challenges and role with the punches you should be okay.
Either way I thought I would give you a few things that are important to know when becoming part of this community.
1. No certainty
The only thing that certain in military life is that your spouse gets paid on the 1st and 15th. Everything else is subject to change.
2. No we can’t tell you when he/she is going to deploy
To many times I have seen new spouses (and some vets) ask if a certain group of soldiers are going to deploy at a specific Army post. No one can tell you that and if we could , anyone who obeys OPSEC won’t.
Speaking of OPSEC remember “loose lips sink ships”. We know you are excited about him coming home from wherever he is but you dont need to blast it on Facebook. Watch what I have to say about OPSEC.
4. Military First Sort Of
Yes there is an old military saying that goes something like” My husband married the Army (that B^%# comes first)and you are his mistress”. Unfortunately not by choice your husband has certain obligations to the military that not even being married to you can stop. The Army gets all of his time and most of the time we get whatever is leftover. Deployments, field time and TDY’s can suck up free time . Believe me your husband loves you but the military really does come first and not really by his choice.
If you aren’t then you are going to have to learn how to be. Nothing worse then being somewhere new and not knowing how to drive or understand paperwork. This is must.
6. Your Spouse Is In The Military Not You
The crux of the infamous” wives who wear their husbands rank” phrase comes from exactly that. There are military spouses who somehow believe that because their husband is a higher rank that they receive some privileges from that. If you remember to stay in your lane you will be okay.
7. Maintain You and Your Goals
We give so much of ourselves naturally as military spouses, but if there is anything I have learned it’s not to forget you in the midst of all of that. Continue to maintain your goals even if you can’t necessarily pursue them at the moment , volunteer, work from home, start a business, or join a group. The point is to do something for only yourself and that is just for you. Don’t get involved in the military hype.
What other things should new Army wives know?
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What other things to know…he’ll probably sleep on the couch the first few weeks after redeploying, he won’t be the same man that left, they become a bit desensitized, while in theater..no news is good news, nothing is routine, don’t be consumed with all things military, have a life of your own AND LASTLY…..DO NOT EXPECT others to know what you are going through, they don’t and some won’t understand..do not listen to their advice because it doesn’t apply to the military lifestyle.
Thank you! Every military spouse should be given a copy of this with their dependent ID!
Love the last one! It’s a must do.
I have never read anything more true in my 16 years as an Army wife. This is hard! But you CAN make it. Roll with it, and love the soldier. No matter how many times it feels like you’re gonna lose it–you CAN do it! We’ve all been new spouses. We understand…
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