Well where do I start?
Is it safe to say that while it is great to bring awareness to PTSD and shed light and understanding on a military widow, that this special was no different then what 20/20 or 60 Minutes would have (or has) done. We have seen this type of documentary program time and time again. Even though these issues are extremely important and deserve awareness, I believe it is safe to say as part of the “Military Wife” community that these topics have been rehashed excessively.
There are other aspects of the military wife life that could have been focused on and still made for good tv. Why not focus on the barely speaking english German wife who marries a soldier overseas and in a matter of a year or even weeks is thrust into a culture she barely knows or understands. What about focusing on when your soldier is deployed for 12-15 months and they come back and having sex (that’s right I said it) for the first time in months is awkward and how for some reintegration is not as easy as it is for others. Focus on how the first two weeks of homecoming is honeymoon like and then reality sets in.
Focus on the barely 18 year old girl thrown into another state on a base by herself raising a baby and living alone for the first time with no family. You want “Teen Mom” there ya go!
Focus on how multiple deployments effect us, focus on the friendships we create and have to leave behind, focus on the wife who drives herself to the hospital and delivers a baby alone. Lastly please make it known that deployments are not the only time we are alone, focus on the pay the soldiers get for all they do.
We also have alot of positive aspects of life that could be focused on. I live in Hawaii , do you think I would really be here without the Army? We travel more then the average mother and child, we meet great people from all over, we celebrate holidays together. We truly unite and that would have been great to focus on.
I will say that I read the comments on my Fan Page and was really unsure what some of you wanted to see?
On one hand I saw numerous replies that people were disappointed with this program because it focused to much on PTSD or death, yet and still most spouses were ready to flip if the show depicted us in a bad light, which by the way they I must say I think they did try to bring out the positive side of us considering it is E! of all channels. I do admit that frankly I am tired of everytime a show focuses on military spouses they only seem to show the ones who are doing some great deed. Can I please see a regular spouse who doesn’t have time to bake the entire Army cookies, or attend every single FRG meeting , or whose not volunteer of the year. Am I wrong for thinking that?
I guess it’s safe to say that maybe the military spouses wanted to hear about the topics above. So E! the next time you want to investigate us please come to a military installation and take a closer look at a day in our lives.
Hooah & Smooches
Army Wife 101
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Army Wife 101
Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market. She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries.
Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market.
She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries. 35 Comments on Army Wife 101’s Thoughts On E! Investigates Military Wives
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I rarely find any tv show about military spouses to be representative of what its really like. Media always do a piss poor job. I think they only want people to see the bad. Maybe political reasons, I don’t know. But I think its reached a point where its pathetic now….
I agree. =)
I think you hit the nail square on the head! Send E! a copy of this blog and maybe next time they will contact you.. I know that PTSD is important and that the spouses dealing with it have a heck of a job but it is not the only thing we have to deal with. If you are unfortunate enough to have to deal with PTSD, I am sure it is on top everything else you are already juggling as a military spouse. And like you said Army Wife, reintegration is a process no matter what state of mind you are in. As usual, I’m seeing eye to eye with you! I am so happy you are reaching the masses with “Our true story”! :)
<3 Erin
I agree with what your saying! I honestly wasted an hour of my life watching the show. There is so much more that goes into being an Army wife. PTSD and suicides have been covered time and time again already.
Why not focus on all aspect like you said. For instance in my situation, we got sent to our duty station because my husband was deployed twice in his 1st 4 years in. Well they put him in a non-deployable training unit.. so he could ” be with his family more” HAHA. I honestly saw my husband more when he was deployed and sure was A LOT happier being deployed than he is with this unit.
Or the fact that some wives have family that have NEVER met their husband because they’re from different parts of the country. Or the fact that your 4 year old child only knows their grandparents by picture, voice and skpe?
I could go on and on and on.. GREAT POINTS THOUGH
Shaniell
I completely agree with the above statements and blog. Not to sound cruel but those women were Army wives. Their husbands are no longer in the military. I know that sounds harsh but the point I am trying to make it they were discussing life after our worst fears of the Army. I agree, these things do need attention and shows like this help civilians understand what spouses are dealing with after major life changing events such as mention in the show. However, I felt that this was not what I was expecting. I am currently taking online college courses to earn a Human Services degree. Our assignment was to write about a human service program in our community. I chose to write about ACS and posted it to our clas discussion board. Another classmate replied and harshly criticized our “severly gated community,” that the “Army doesn’t take care of their own,” and suggested we “open the gates to civilians in need of treatment.” She suggested (and insulted) that spouses misuse money, are lazy, our families are poor due to our own detriment and more. This classmate mentioned the ever frustrating topic of spouses getting paid just to be married to a soldier. I could go on but to keep this fairly short; the classmate utterly tore apart my assignment and then thanked me for allowing her to voice her opinion. I am not the kind of person who stands idly by when I am incorrectly criticized. I wrote back explaining that I was not speaking about the Army as a whole. I wrote about ACS and how their programs are geared toward the challenges an Army family faces. That ACS is essentially the “middle man” that connects families to proper outlets and allows us a place to seek aid when necessary. Then I challenged the class to imagine being a family of 6, your military spouse deploys, and suddenly you are single parent raising 4 children who each play sports, do scouts, have play dates, attend school events, attend church events, celebrate birthdays and holidays. You handle the car that needs fixing, the children screaming, the worries about your spouse who hasn’t called in two weeks to two months. You do all this and smile. You make new friends who are more like family. You say good-bye to them as often as you meet them because the average military family moves every three years. You leave behind you friends, your family, your support system and basically start over every three years. You do all this and smile because you know that you are proud to the spouse of an American soldier who serving his country not because it is his duty but because it is his honor.
Soo off track now, but this is what I thought the E! Army Wives special was going to be about.
I have my degree in Family Life and Community Services. I also did my internship for my degree at ACS.. so if you were to need additional info or help feel free to contact me. shaniellc022886@yahoo.com
I completely agree.They really need to show different stages of a military wifes life,with different women who are at different walks of life.Because I am a army wife who is only 18 and going through a pregnancy,even though my S/O is still home its any time he can be deployed.I had to move away from home and I have no family around to help me out when my hubby gets deployed. And talk about getting shunned by my so called friends from back home, not being as supportive as I thought they would have been. I feel for the soldiers and their wives and family that suffer from PTSD or even the suicide part but Ive heard it all before from nemerous talk shows,and thats not all what its all about.Its about the long months of training,the long 14 hour days, its the 12-18 month deployments, meeting other military wives via FB or through the base, never letting the phone leave your side bc your afraid to miss his 10 min phone call, its feeling young but feeling old.Its the unexplainable feeling of when you see your soldier walk off that plane, and the first real kiss in months, but its all not sunshine and rainbows after their homecoming.Their are rough times and alot of uncomfortable moments.I just really wish they would have shined the light on other aspects of our lives than just mainly focusing on PTSD and suicide.
I still haven’t watched it but plan to tonight. I read all the comments on your facebook fan page and the ones here and it seems like everyone was disappointed in the show. I guess it is the same as the Lifetime show Armywives how none of us really feel like they portray our lives accurately. Here’s an idea:
Since you are so great and resourceful maybe you can do a documentary for Army Wife 101. I think it would be interesting to get a video camera and record a few minutes of about a week in your life then save the data and through facebook find someone in a different duty station to send the video camera to and have them do the same thing. It would be cool to do that for the course of a year and then edit all the clips into a documentary. What best way to portray army life than from the army wife herself?
I cut the show off after about 10 minutes and started watching a show on the DVR. I understand that alot of issues are important but you could have focused on some that military spouses in every branch and situation handle. Army Wife I totally agree with you on the deployments are not the only time we are alone. My Air Force hubby trips out to missle fields for 3 days at a time to work underground to ensure our missles are “delivered in 30 minutes or less.” Thats 3 days and 2 nights that I am alone. Before I got married I was never alone. I mean never between home and school there was always someone with me. Then there is the stress of “what if….” His job has him working in this dark hole with a cramped ladder that he has to travel down to work with electrical equipment. Does he get hazzard/height pay? No because he is going under the ground and not above it. If he falls it is still gonna cause injury. Sometimes I envy the people whos hubby’s deploy for a full chuck of time. Atleast then it would be normal after 1 month or so. Like you get used to them being gone. Waking up alone and having to walk the dogs and meet your friends for lunch and then come home to a clean house because no one but you is there to muck it up. I have to get up on Tuesdays with my hubby to drive him to his shop. Come home and clean up my house (when he’s home I want to spend time with him not clean). Then eat and walk the dogs alone (we have 2 dogs). Then sleep alone, wake up alone. Find something to do all day (visit a friend, go shopping, hang out at the base museum), Repeat aloneness. Wake up alone on Thursday get everything that needs to be done done, Begin to cook dinner, stop dinner because got a text that hubby won’t be home till 10pm. Pick up hubby from shop at 10pm (so happy to see him). Happy all weekend then depression again on Tuesday. (Monday and Friday atleast he is home by 5) So yeah they could have done a better job. But I only watched about 10 minutes. I love reading your blog so much.
I agree with you all! Had a civilian ‘friend’ one time who told me that her husband had been working from 7am to 7pm several days in a row that week and they really needed to take some time off together to ‘reconnect’. My husband at that time had been deployed for 5 months. Are you kidding me?
Anyway – I didn’t get my hopes up too high, but it goes to show that WE need to make our own show? What da’ya think?!
“Can I please see a regular spouse who doesn’t have time to bake the entire Army cookies, or attend every single FRG meeting , or whose not volunteer of the year. Am I wrong for thinking that?”
No you are not wrong! Too many people when not dealing with the negative want to glorify it like we’re some kind of super hero women when we’re not! Show me an every day army wife doing every day things.
http://www.facebook.com/AWDIWH
I so agree! I was a teen mom moved across the country from my family, complete culture shock from Michigan to The mojave desert, where my husband was never home and I had a toddler and was pregnant. We don’t all deal with PTSD, their is so much more then that! While the husbands are off fighting for our country, we are home raising families, going to school, or working, or doing anything we can to get by. It’s one of the toughest jobs out there, and no one understands what we go through, media doesn’t understand, so I don’t think they deserve the right to report on us and what they think we go through.
AMEN!
I didnt get to see the show however agree with your post here. They need to focus on other subjects that we as army wives go through. There are plenty of sides to look. Thank you for bringing this to light. This life is not the same for all of us. We all go through different seasons while being an army wife it would be great if they would look at all sides and not just the sides that make for great TV so they think!!! big hugs
I’m sorry you were dissapointed in the show…that was a great representation of my life, and many people I know would say the same.
I’m also sorry you think there is enough info out there about PTSD and TBI, because when I tell people my husband suffers from those, more than half of them have never heard of it.
Hi Shannon,
Thanks for stopping by. Let me first say that I haven’t experienced PTSD nor has my husband and I would never make light of the situation. What I am saying is I do believe alot of the disappointment could have been alleviated just by naming this program something else. I am going to venture to stay being that it was called E! Investigates Military Wives that many thought it would be about us and some of our own personal struggles. This is not to take away from our brave men and women by any means, just stating that it would have been nice to show a different side of things and possibly alleviate some of the stereotypes associated with the military lifestyle.
Thank you for visiting and I truly do appreciate yours and everyone else’s commentary.
We need to talk…I can’t believe women involved in the military are making light of this situation. My life was ruined by tbi and ptsd. If I can help you in any way let me know. Maybe we can just email and be some support to each other. I wrote on this page and said everyone who wrote negatively about this should be ashamed. Please write back. Julia Thomton
I recorded it, but have yet to watch. I have heard alot of negative reviews on it, so i may just skip it all together. PTSD is a great subject to have knowledge on, but i thought the show was supposed to be about military wives? Krystal, i too live in hawaii and if it wasn’t for the army, i would not be here at all.
Susanna, that drives me crazy as well. I HATE it when civilian wives try to compare their husband being gone for a few days or working long hours to ours who are gone from 12-18 months at a time. I have to say that is one of my biggest pet peeves.
I agreed with your blog. But I must say, I actually liked the show. While it didn’t really give insight to military wives on a normal basis, it was still very informative. I have been married to my soldier for a little over a year, and I am still trying to adapt to the whole military lifestyle. I would have liked to see wives from all other different perspectives. And no, you’re not wrong for wanting to see wives that don’t bake cookies for soldiers and that don’t have time to volunteer, I want to see those wives’ stories too!
I watched Army Wives and I was finally excited that a show aired the “boring” topic of TBI and PTSD. I am a wife of a soldier who has both injuries pretty severly. I have lost everything. My family, his family, our money, friends. It is an invisible injury. No one can understand the misery and hardship the soldier and the wife/family goes thru. One day you have a husband, you know him, love him and have fun with him. The next he is a stranger who can’t trust. These injuries turn our soldiers into domestic abusers, alcoholics, drug abusers. They lose any confidence they had in themselves because they know something is wrong but don’t know how to fix it. My own family thought I should be institutionalized because they didn’t see anything wrong with my husband. He is alway angry, goes into black out rages and has hurt me and could hurt me worse. I had to leave him recently while he was gearing up to go back to Iraq, (Yes, they are sending him back.) His stress level was so high he was in a constant state of rage.If I wouldn ‘t have left he would have eventually hurt me or worse yet kill me in a black out. What do you do with a war hero who can no longer feel any emotions and olny knows rage and death and destruction. It is not safe to live with him, but I just can’t let him become a statistic ending up on the streets. When or how do you cross the line and let him fend for himself so I can have a life. Is it my duty to take care of him for the rest of my life? Never having fun, ease, a normal relationship with sex, conversation…everything other couples take for granted I don’t have. So, the more shows about this the better. Maybe someone in our families will see a show and know what we’ve been going thru all by ourselves. The injured soldier in these kinds of cases need a sponsor to help them thru their rage and the spouse needs as much support from family and friends as possible. You all who wrote negative remarks about this show should be ashamed. According to the show’s stats, there are over 300,000 people with ptsd. That is a huge burden on our country and all of the families connected to that number. If one of those soldiers has only 3 people in their life, that makes almost a million people affected by ptsd. I wouldn’t wish this injury on my worst enemy. It never goes away. It is a life long hardship.
I didn’t watch the show and wasn’t even interested in it – but not for the above stated reasons… the reason I didn’t watch (and the reason I don’t watch a lot of TV that is “based” on being in the military or married to it) is because I am not the intended audience. I live this life every single day. I have enough drama to deal with. The audience for those shows are the general public and the networks are going to show what sells – usually the extreme of any situation.
What I think I am most disappointed in is the general attitude of military wives toward those that are given the opportunity to share their lives with the world. What do we do? We tear them down. We degrade and cast aside their experience because it wasn’t “our” experience. For any wife that is willing to share her life, her pain, her joy and her hope I say BRAVO – how brave of you! I can learn from your experience, I can be thankful that I am not the one going through the pain and I can keep you in my thoughts and prayers and offer my support. But no, that’s not how we as spouses react – we belittle and we dismiss. What you have effectively done is tell those spouses that their story doesn’t matter. Well, ladies (and gentlemen) – their stories do matter. Just like your story matters. Like all of the stories of military wives past and present. They are all important.
How would you feel if you shared your inner most fears, your pain, your soul – you shared your story and all you received in return was negativity from your own sisters? Shame, shame.
So next time you feel like tearing down your fellow military wife put yourself in her shoes. Walk in them for a while and see how it feels. Don’t be so quick to judge and don’t be so eager to dismiss her story. She is important.
Blame the network, blame the reporter. Remember it’s usually all about ratings – drama sells and if it bleeds it leads. Extremes and exaggerations rule the air. But never, ever blame those brave women.
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for visiting. While I agree with most of what you said. My intent was never to tear down those in the show itself. My issue primarily focused on the name which I will say again was misleading (and I stand by that) and also the fact that , I think wives would like to see our general life discussed as well. We may not be the intended audience but did they really think we weren’t going to watch? Especially when you consider that most specials do focus on the topics discussed in the program and then one day we all see this special entitled “Military Wives”, of course we were looking forward to seeing how they formatted our lives on tv. Many of us finally thought that someone was going to show a day in our lives and while yes many families are dealing with PTSD, many of us are not. I have had several people who are NOT in the military life ask me oh so when your husband came home was he crazy or anything etc…because some people really believe that all these guys are actually coming home like this which is in a majority of cases but not always the case. It would have just been nice to see another side focused on.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your commentary is greatly appreciated :)
I am not a military spouse so from my perspective it’s very important for the media to shine a bright spotlight on PTSD as the military commanders do not. If E wants to produce a show and call it Military Wives to get people to watch a show that’s actually about PTSD and the hardships of long deployments and war, it’s necessary. While yall may disagree I bet those families appreciate that someone listened to them and is telling their story.
By the way, PTSD and higher suicide rates is not new however, it seems as if the military doesn’t address it until 20/20 has a special.
I respect the soldier and the spouse but just cause your story is different doesn’t mean their story isn’t valid.
thank you so much for that post!
Lisette, you’re on to something with that video idea, and you’re not alone. There are so many stories to tell, and while the E! Investigates show focused on one very important and sensitive area, Milspouse.com is offering another option, too: a Deployment Diaries video blog that debuts in January. A young Marine Corps spouse is taking the helm for this one; keep your eyes peeled for more about it on milspouse.com.
Donna Budjenska, Army spouse and new managing editor, Military Spouse magazine
Dear viewers!
I worked on the production team for this show in the preliminary stages of production. The show shifted shapes several times while we were trying to get military approval. Unfortunately, that approval was not given. We could not work with anyone still affiliated with the military. Think about it: this is why media focuses on stories and subjects after the fact. They are working AROUND active-duty. If you want shows to deliver more complete representations, be heard in telling military leaders your preferences. Also, be open to working with media when they contact you.
Dear April,
Having been involved with the media several times since my husband was killed, I can only say that I am very glad the army does not allow the media near active-duty soldiers. And to any family member who wants to talk to the military about changing that policy, I would highly suggest they reconsider.
As I wrote in the comment I left on this blog, I have not seen the E! story and it may be perfectly fine and well-intentioned. But more often than not, the media does not do very good stories on the military. For example, a couple years ago, a very well-known, high-profile reporter asked to do a story on an army post about a military widow’s group that was meeting with military widows living in that area. They were told no and it got some people angry because it was a positive story. A friend of mine who worked with the public affairs office on post felt bad and explained to me why… a few years before, a very well-known, high-profile female news anchor received permission to do a story on the hardships faced by military families due to war. When the story ran on a prime time national news show, it was not about hardships due to war, but about the rise of domestic abuse in the military. The families that opened their lives up to this woman were betrayed… some of whom were not in abusive relationships at all.
As for myself personally, I know exactly what it feels like to be hurt by the media. I have found myself on the floor bawling several times because a well-intentioned reporter called my husband a hero but treated him like a deadline, not caring to double-check that what they wrote was actually the truth. After a couple interviews I gave were “mangled” by the reporters I asked a reporter if I could read the story before it was printed so that I could make sure the details were correct. I was told that was not their policy because it was “their” story. In another story written about my husband it stated they “tried to contact the wife but she was not available for comment”… in reality, they got my contact information from my mom and told her when they would call the next day. While I was waiting by the phone to talk with them, the story showed up in that day’s paper. They used incorrect information from an “old friend” who had barely known my husband. I was told by People magazine they probably would not write about my husband because he was a “non-story”. One well-intentioned AP reporter did not understand why I had a problem with him using the adjective “childish” to describe my husband…and it was his story that ran in nearly every single newspaper in the country. And do not get me started on the media circus surrounding the young soldier who was killed with my husband and what it did to his fiance… a story that I might add was a complete lie but became a national story especially in the Hispanic media. It got so bad that every single soldier in my husband’s unit refused to talk to the media because of the way it was sensationalized. The ONLY time a story ran in a newspaper about my husband that was correct, was his obituary in the LA Times which I wrote. Two pages after that obituary, the LA Times printed his picture with incorrect information below it. And those are just some of what I experienced in the 2 weeks BEFORE his funeral took place.
The military is NOT the problem here. It is because of what the media has done that the military has put in place restrictive policies. My only complaint about the role the military plays in all this is that they were not able to keep the media away from me also.
I think people who don’t like the show are only seeing the right now, not the ,”what if my husband or loved one comes home like this?” This was warning for wives and mothers whose loved one is still serving!!! VETS are b…eing left without help!!! We don’t want that for those wives and that’s why this story was done. Soldiers are being kicked out of the military for personality disorders on record numbers with out them actually receiving the help they need. I think that people need to understand this and that’s why I’m upset that they just aren’t getting it.
I think that you ladies who would like to complain about housing, pay, BAH, deployments and all that great stuff need start complaining to the MEDIA!!!! IT SUCKS being a military wife and being told to just deal with things you arent prepared for!!!!
BUT thats not what this is about!!! think about what is going to happen when your loved one comes home from WARR!!!! what happens when your loved one is kick out of the army for a personality disorder!!!! and they actually have PTSD!!!! the story was to help you guys understand that you need to deal with this NOW not wait until the VA gets around to it!!! its takes years to get your benefits and to try to get medical help!!!!
as a VET, a WOMAN, and a WIFE, please respect this and stop and think for a minute!
[…] you know I wrote a follow up after I watched the E! Investigates Military Wives program that premiered Dec 15th, discussing my opinions and thoughts . In addition I posted it to […]
I have not seen the show yet and only found this blog because I was googling to find info about when it would be shown again, or to get info on it.
I am not sure why but after reading this blog and several of the comments I found myself getting really angry. I too am a military wife just like all of you. I intimately know about the loneliness of my husband being gone and having to handle everything by myself… There was surely a curse on my lawnmower because it refused to work every single time my husband went to the field! I bitched my fair share when he pcs’ed not once, but twice to Korea (2 years of separation there). I take care of all the bills, take care of the house, take the dogs to the vet, and will not get into how difficult it was to grin and bear it when a college advisor once again told me how many classes (on my five transcripts) would not transfer to the new college I was attending because we had to move again! But I do not need to tell any of you about this (and so much more) because you are all military wives and know already.
I met my husband while serving in the Army and we married in 1990 so I have been around for a while. I was never the wife who made cookies for the whole army but I did try to invite my husband’s soldiers over for an occasional dinner. A single soldier appreciates a good home-cooked meal more than anyone I have ever met! I attended every FRG meeting I could and when he was able, my husband attended them with me. I was certainly never in contention for the volunteer of the year, but my best friend (who is THAT Army wife) won it a couple years ago at Ft. Hood and I could not have been more proud! As for me, I helped when I could but my priority was my husband. He dealt with so much at work and I was so proud to be his “safe place to fall”. As much as he took care of me, I also took care of him. I love him with all my being and would have followed him to any old rat hole the army chose, with a smile on my face.
As you can see, I am writing about my husband and the life we shared in the past tense because on April 28, 2006, I received the knock on the door that no military wife wants to get. My husband was killed in an IED attack in Iraq. In that moment everything I knew and understood about my life as a military wife, and the bubble I lived in, did not just burst. It was shattered into a zillion tiny pieces that no amount of glue or denial was ever going to be able to fix. I, a military wife just like all of you, was unprepared and ignorant about what happened next. I too watched shows about PTSD, Wounded Warriors, Gold Star Widows and had very little in common with “that life as a military wife”. And that is the point I never really wanted to get… they are military wives too. I didn’t want to know about that and separated it from who I was. I noticed that “Christy” even pointed out that these women WERE military wives but not anymore.
And I guess that is why I am angry. The military wives who deal with PTSD, TBI, and other war wounds are just as much a military wife as any of you… even the ones whose husbands are no longer in the service, whether it be from a discharge or death. They understand everything that you go through. I was a military wife for 16 1/2 years when I lost my husband. Becoming a widow did not change the person I was for all those years. You have heard the saying “Once a Marine, always a Marine”. Well, it works that way with military wives also. So yes, I and every single widow and wife who is dealing with the “wounds of war” know your story, know your pain, know your loneliness and has at one time or another, screamed your complaints. The difference is, you don’t know ours. You have not walked in our shoes, felt our pain, known our loneliness… but you might.
And that is the real question… are you really disappointed that the show was not about your life as a military wife? Or are you scared that might one day be your life as a military wife? You want the civilian world to understand what your life is like. Well try to imagine what our life is like and then maybe you will realize that your life is pretty damned good after all. And THAT is the real reason why it was those Military Wives were featured on the show.
Oh! And when your soldier comes home… whether it is tonight, tomorrow night, 6months, or even a year from now… give him the biggest hug and kiss you possibly can and just be grateful that the man you love came home.
LaNita Herlem
Proud Military Wife of SFC Bryant A. Herlem, USA, DECEASED
Wow, LaNita makes some great points, and I totally agree with everything she says. You see the problem here is that you all had an assumption about what the show would be, and because your assumption was wrong, you are upset. All of us on the show are Military Wives, just like the rest of you, the only difference is our husband’s are either no longer alive or no longer active duty. How are we any less of a Military Wife than the rest of you? We went through deployments, we knew lonliness, we became single parents, and struggled with various things just like the rest of you.
If you googled information before the show you would have found a press release from E! with quite an accurate description of what to expect, and so they did put something out there before the show aired. I am sorry that you guys did not know about it.
Regardless, I don’t understand all the hate. If I thought something was going to be one thing, and then learned it was not I would brush it off and move forward hoping to learn something new anyway. Armywife101- you state that your intent was never to tear down those on the show itself, but yet I have not seen you state one positive thing about any of the stories that were featured. I find that kind of contradictory. I know many of you have felt like you hear way too much about PTSD and TBI, but I wonder how many of you could tell me the specific differences between them off the top of your head. If you can’t then you do have much more to learn as many of the symptoms do mirror each other but there are specific differences as well. I know many of you state that you don’t deal with PTSD or TBI and therefore it is not relevant to you. If your husband is deployed, I would guess that when he comes home he will have some kind of Post Traumatic Stress, because I honestly don’t know of anyone that doesn’t have some form of it when they return. Instead of saying this isn’t my reality, why not educate yourself in case it becomes your reality? I think the reason that many of you had issues with the show, is that it was difficult to watch and it COULD be your reality and that isn’t a pleasant thought. It also didn’t highlight what YOU are going through everyday and I get that, but still it is sad that you can’t see past yourselves and where you are right now.
I want all of you to know that I respect how hard you work to continue making your houses run while your husbands are training, deployed, injured,KIA, whatever your situation may be. I am sorry that the DOD did not allow access to any military base because your stories ARE important and you DO matter. I hope in the future they will allow some of you to tell your stories. Having said that, it is a shame that so many of you are more willing to bring us down than support us, and encourage us even if our situations are now different from yours. Luckily we are all strong resilient women and will be fine, but it is disheartening to know there is so little support out there among fellow Military Wives.
I know many of you will never understand or even agree with me unless you find yourself in a situation that you will never want to be in, whether your husbands are KIA, or injured. I want you to know that not even half of what I said was shown on that show. I pray that none of you ever have to walk in my shoes, because every day is a struggle just to wake up and see what version of my husband I will be faced with, and whether he will be able to function as a normal human being that day. The sadness and lonliness that I walk through every day is indescribable. I will tell you right now that it is WAY harder than a deployment and I hope none of you will ever understand.
In closing, I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
I was just looking back at these blogs… I have to say that a few of you do really understand what our stories meant while others sad to say are totally ignorant and oblivious to the whole point and reasons why we shared our stories. The reason is because some of us have expereinced true hell with our husbands having PTSD and TBI; There are many other issues involved with that. I have went through many different stages as a military wife, there are many great times I’ve had, many sad times. Being all alone bymyself with no family, in an unframiliar place. Going to FRG meetings, baking cookies, making posters, volunteering. There are so many different phases of being a military wife both good and bad… My point is that this is what I have went through and it has been the most tough and hard part in my life yet, and wanted to share that information to others. To share with other military wives and civilians who have no idea what can happen. I believe all of us shared a lot of things, but not everything was shown. Also E! did try getting the Army’s input on things and they would not respond back, and in fact did not allow E! onto post. What I am saying in closing is that these things that we face are our lives, an everyday struggle to have a wounded soldier and it is very hard. So please educate yourselves as much as you can, because believe me I had NO idea my life would be like this. We were planning on my husband being in and retireing from the Army. I had no Idea what PTSD or TBI even meant, honestly I didn’t because the Army does not educate about these things, maybe at some post’s but definetely not through my FRG or my husbands chain of command. The reason to doing this story for me personally was to help educate others and try to help at least one person… I just have to say what a disgrace for those who did not understand this… God Bless to all, I am only human and can only try to be a better person and try to help others… Thanks
Well, I totally understand and respect where you are coming from. Let’s be honest though that most military wives can relate to the topic of PTSD these days, which is sad and until things get changed in the system there needs to be MORE light shed on the issue. Also, I can say from first hand knowledge that the show didn’t go the way the producers had orignally planned. If you want to get mad at anyone get mad at the military who threatened multiple law suits, so they had their hands tied in several ways. Current active duty members and spouses were forbiden to be a part of the show by the military. Most of what they wanted to say about my segment had to be cut for the same legal issues. I know there are lots of other aspects of the military wife and daily life as I was one for 5 years. I just wanted to share how the show turned out the way it did.
I feel the show had some good information, and it showed a side of our military wives that most civilians dont know about. I came across this show by chance and since my husband has PTSD I decided to watch it. I have no grips nor complaint’s, I thought it was a good program. I would like to see more “Specials” about military wives that are also in the military I am an active duty soldier (Army, 7 years), I have been deployed to AF, and my husabnd is also active duty, he has 4 deployments under his belt (both Irag and AF) and as I have stated before has PTSD. I think awerness for soldiers in our situation is equally important. People often look at dual military couples and feel “oh well they signed up for it”. No one truly knows the hell we go thru. Just becaused were married doesn’t mean we will be stationed together, when deployments come one of us and even sometimes both of us will have to leave the kids behind, we may even be on seperate deployment cycles and spend years apart from each other. Most people don’t know anything about us and they feel we are better off then civilian military wives cause we know the in’s-and out’s of the military, It’s simply not true. We too sometimes need help, and a shoulder to cry on.