Latest Update: The spouse in question’s husband’s UNIT has issued an apology…View it HERE.
Update: The author of the blog post mentioned has removed her blog in it’s entirety.
Last night while surfing Facebook at almost 1am in the morning , I came across several posts from military spouses who were disturbed by a blog post from a Vermont Army Wife who suggested that National Guard Wives are not Real Army Wives. The post has since been removed.
I don’t want to come off as a hypocrite because I am all about free speech and speaking as you wish, I mean hell it’s her blog. That being said one thing I cannot stand is sheer stupidity and ignorance, especially from a new (yes I’m calling it out because she is new to this life) military wife who is giving off the impression that she knows it all.
What She Said
In a nutshell according to a rebuttal blog post written by her husband, this Army Wife was fed up with people mistaking her husband for being in the National Guard. According to her husband most people don’t know that it bothers Active Duty soldiers to be compared to the National Guard…funny my husband says he missed that memo . They are mad that everyone assumes they are active duty military because her husband it appears works at a National Guard post.
In addition although she lives in Vermont and it seems she herself doesn’t have everyday contact with military spouses she presumes to say that National Guard spouses aren’t Army Wives. The killer statement was when she wrote her list of things”National Guard spouses say” of which one was: “Well my husband has PTSD”. She proceeds to say and I quote”
“I’m so proud to say that the Hubs has been through 2 deployments, and his mind is as solid as a rock. What Guard spouses seem to not realize, is that A LOT of other people, who have nothing to do with the military, have PTSD. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to deal with, and I would never wish it on anybody, but just because he has PTSD, doesn’t automatically file him in the ‘soldier’ category”.
I mean are you completely insane? How do you even find anything right about this statement? I honestly don’t know what to say because some statements are so bold that you don’t even know how to reply! You have no idea how much you just disrespected anyone who wears or has worn the uniform and suffers from this horrible disease.
Oh oh and don’t forget her Step-ford Wife Statement as quoted below:
“Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband’s 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma’am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said ‘Excuse me.’ It’s simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses”.
First of all the majority of us (or at least the spouses I know) rarely if ever come in contact with our husband’s First Sgt. Secondly since when do I have to speak only when spoken to ? I mean who are you trying to be Claudia Joy from “Army Wives”?
There is so much more I could point out but I don’t want to come off as just picking because then my message will most likely be missed. Quite honestly I am not sure if I even have a message to this woman or if I just needed to ask if she is serious, or was her post doing exactly what the title said “Stirring the Pot”?
My Thoughts
First and foremost alot of people are saying well we have jumped on her enough and so on. Many feel that jumping on her perpetuates the attacking stigma that some think are attached to military wives. In my case I am not attacking her , but what I am doing is giving her a good dose of the TRUTH!
The truth is honey whether you like it or not , you are no more special then the next military spouse. Speaking of which includes those National Guard Wives you mentioned because they are in fact Army Wives too. Now don’t get me wrong we are a special group of women but let’s not divide us. The fact that you even made the comment that when their husband’s get back from war they don’t have to deal with the military life makes you seem really new to this life. I guess PTSD or injuries don’t count as having to deal with anything when they come back. Sure Guard service members don’t go onpost daily and deal with some of the everyday pressures of being a soldier, but when it comes down to it they have to deploy and fight just like everyone else. They had to go through BCT and AIT like everyone else, and when they retire they receive benefits just like everyone else.
We live offpost at Fort Bragg and it’s not like we go through so much with the military life. I mean sure his job has it’s moments but otherwise life is not that much different then the average person for us except for when we are PCS’ing.
What kills me the most is did you ever realize that many of the National Guard were Active Duty before? My husband may get out and enlist in the National Guard himself, so is he less of a soldier? I mean I am assuming this his past deployments count for nothing or the fact that he proudly served in 2 branches of the United States Military?
The stickler is you don’t even live in a military town or base or even close to a main base (your words not mine) yet you are the end all be all of what a military spouse has to go through and what the proper code of Army wife conduct is? Sounds like to me if you truly tried to make friends with some of the National Guard spouses instead of turning your nose up at them , I am sure one of the Veteran Army Wives could be a great friend to you.
A real military spouse (since you feel you know it all I feel obligated to correct you for future reference) would know that real honor is knowing to never ever step out and discredit any man or woman who has so bravely made the choice to serve our country.
A real military spouse would know that the you just bit the hand of the very support system you could have (those National Guard spouses) because you have this skewed reality that somehow you and your husband are on a higher pedestal because he is Active Duty. Those spouses go through just as much if not more because they don’t always feel like they have the support of the so called” everyday” military community. When a military spouse’s husband is deployed we all go through the same feelings. Are you implying that a Reserve wife doesn’t go through the same stress and emotions when her husband is away?
Way to go for making them feel more alone then I assume they already feel!
I am here to tell you darling you are no special then anyone else, in fact when you come to an actual military base let me know so I can show you the ropes.
So I have to ask is this wife one of the few who believe this or are there other spouses who feel this way? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market.
She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries. 223 Comments on Is She Serious?…My Response To One Of The Most Ignorant Army Wives Ever!
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She just seems uneducated about how life works outside her little bubble. When a guard soldier has been deployed for a year their spouse has been alone just as well as an active duty soldier. That warrants as much respect as any active duty family, and as an active duty spouse I’m ashamed for her. Her comments are just rude. And if she wants to be a supposed good foot forward for her husband she would not go bashing the families of the soldiers he works with every day on a blog with her name and picture. She’s just rude.
I totally agree. I just feel like it’s wrong to disrespect or make a National Guard member feel like their service is any less then someone who is Active Duty. She certainly makes it appear that way!
Thanks for commenting Annie :)
Wow, had no idea anyone would stoop so low as to say what does and does not classify a soldier… I agree with you, we military wives should stick together regardless of rank and branch…
Absolutely who else is going to understand us better then another military wife. A deployment is a deployment, we go through the same feelings no matter if our husband is active duty or reserve.
Am I the only one who can’t comment on her post?
Here’s what I had intended to reply with…maybe she’s lurking and will read it:
————-
Deploy every 4 years? Think again…my husband has been a Reservist for 16 years…deployments have been about 2 years apart, not including the training leading up to getting on the plane.
I know you’re a veteran Army wife what with 6 months of marriage under your belt but you are so far off point it’s scary.
I’ll point you to the post I wrote about this pissing match several active duties wives like yourself like to have with Guard and Reservist families. http://akathewife.com/2011/03/it%E2%80%99s-not-just-a-fun-way-to-spend-the-weekend-2/
If you were an informed spouse you would know we don’t play the “who has it worse” game. Everyone’s life is going to be effected by the military at some point. You’d do well to acknowledge that and that other families, active duty/Guard/Reserve, need support as well.
———
Hey Jennifer!
OMG I was so peeved when I wrote this long comment only to have it not go through, so trust me she changed her settings. It wasn’t just you lol!
I will certainly share your blog post because I think it is one people need to see.
Service to our country is service to our country !
Thanks for commenting!
Wow. I couldn’t even finish her post. I’ve only been a Military Spouse for three years and I have never thought anything bad about National Guard. I understand it’s harder for them without the support we get on post. My husband just returned from a deployment and it was comforting being on post with so many people around me who understood what I was going thru.
I think this woman is just ignorant and full of herself. I feel sorry for her.
Also my husbands best friend is National Guard and he also just returned from a deployment. I love him to death, he is every bit as much of a soldier as my husband.
Wow! I am speechless. Pure ignorance on her part. Every soldier demands respect, not just the high ranking ones! My father was active duty for many years and then went National Guard because he loved being a soldier and having that comradory. He was a soldier who served his country proudly both active duty and thru the National Guard. National Guard spouses have a lot of knowledge because they were once active duty! My husband is active duty Army now and I ask my mom questions all the time because she was once in my shoes. Never turn your nose up at those who have valuable knowledge that can be passed down. She is living in a fantasy world and her comments give the rest of us a bad name. We are no better than anyone else, we are all in the same boat!
I completely agree with you! I was dumbfounded to read her blog. By her speaking as an “Army wife” she made all of us look bad. I do not look down on ANY member of the military no matter their branch. They are all soldiers to me and ALL deserve respect. Also my husbands unit gets together all the time and has bbq’s with upper ranks and there is never a problem. Everyone acts like long time friends, no yes sir or no sir required even if there is a 1SG there.
Wow I am a proud army wife i do have to say it dosent matter how long or what rank my husband is. I have to say some one need to let her know that it dosent matter what part of the military service a soldier is in they are all part of the military. I Support all our guys,Oh yea BTW I am also the FRG leader for our unit and I dont care what i look like when i have to see any of the higher up and i sure in the heck dont wait to be spoken to or when im address lmao.Just had to get that out there,This lady needs to get up off her high horse for real ( To me it is very disrespectful for a “army wife” to put other “army wives” down and or a branch of the military and or do like one of my wives Post that she could care less about HER Husbands unit and the people. Everything a military wife dose or says reflexes on our husands. Yes i said it so maybe her husband or she should befriend some one so she can ask questions instead of making her self look like she is so blind to the life she lives!
I don’t know the whole story here and I don’t know the parties involved but it is a poor choice in life to make blanket statements before you know what your talking about. Well, blanket statements are usually bad news. Romney found that out when he tried to say we are the only people that put our right hand over our heart during the national “hyme”.
When I was in the Navy reserves and my husband at the time was in the Army I guess I was no one. When I was a single mother in the reserves I guess I was no one. I guess raising 2 kids, working full time, making my “real” life work around my Navy part – time job (that could seperate me from my kids, send me accross the world to danger),and going to school full time at the same time was some how “less”. HHHmmm? I just have to say my husband now is also in the Army his co- workers and bosses deserve my respect because they are human beings but I deserve their respect too. They do not feed me, f### me, or pay my bills. They can make my husbands life a little better or worse but that is it and in some aspects they can only help so much. I don’t find my husband and I have problems. We believe in just being real and decent. He does well. I did not sign a contract. I stand by my man. I support him in his job and all the Army wife ect. , ect. but I will not be the wife she discribed and I believe his chain of command respects me for it!
All I can say is Amen sister to that!
Thank you for that! That made me tear up. I hope she reads it!
I was going to comment on her blog but she has comments restricted/blocked. I guess she can’t take the heat. This is my response to her and her hubs:
I have to disagree with both of you. My husband is active duty Army and plans to join either the guard or reserves when he gets out after 10 years. It wouldn’t bother him to be mistaken for National Guard. That is a hang up that you and your husband have, not something that bothers “any active duty, full time, Regular Army soldier to be compared to national guard.” They deserve just as must respect. I mean would you like it if I said your marriage didn’t mean as much as mine because you were knocked up when you got married and I wasn’t? Yeah, that’s pretty much what you’re doing.
Absolutely you said it right , her and her husband’s hangup. Who is she to speak for others?
Thanks for commenting!
My AD husband gets mistaken for NG frequently, especially when we are back in my hometown. It never bothers him, never upsets him, and more often than not, he just goes his own way. If it pisses her husband off that bad, he needs to get a thicker skin, he’s just a hair too sensitive for his own good.
This kind of derision among the “silent ranks” irks me off. We are all in the thick of military life together, and her picking on NG wives does two things; it demonstrates her lack of care/compassion/understanding, and her need to prove she’s better. I hate it when a wife of any kind, married to a soldier, married to a cop, married to a banker/janitor/chef/whatever, has to prove how good of a wife she is. By posting something designed to make herself look better, she has, infact, made herself look worse, especially to the women she’ll lean on the hardest when deployment rolls around. And deployments come for us all at some point in time or another. She has alienated a group of women who would willingly be her support system.
And for the record… my husband’s old 1SG (I have yet to meet the new one), has seen me in nice clothes, in Sunday church clothes, in a ball gown, in pajamas with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth, in sweats with my hair looking awful and no make up. Never once was I expected to speak only when spoken too, to bite my tongue or anything else. I do say “Excuse me” when asking a question/more detail, but that’s because my mama drilled manners into me, not because I’m trying to kiss ass.
“A real military spouse (since you feel you know it all I feel obligated to correct you for future reference) would know that real honor is knowing to never ever step out and discredit any man or woman who has so bravely made the choice to serve our country.”
That’s the truth in a nutshell…
It’s really sad to see a new military spouse distance herself from the only people who “get” the military lifestyle. A deployment is a deployment. Not having your spouse home and worrying as an army wife is the same as a Navy wife, Airforce wife, National Guard wife.
It’s so sad that some wives continue to put us all into separate classes when we all go through the same crap. The only difference is it comes in a different package…
We are in this together regardless of branch, active or reserve. All spouses feel the same when their soldier is gone. I can understand how the reserve spouses can feel alone when they aren’t near a post and a support system. My husband had to go on recruiting duty and we went from a post and support system to an area with no post and we did what needed to be done because that is what my husband and I do. When he has orders he follows them and we as a family do what is necessary for him to succeed at his job. That doesn’t make us any better than anyone else, just means that we can do what it takes to make things work and if I can help someone from the experience I have gathered I share it, if someone asks. I like to help new people and even people that have been around for a while. I am a proud Army wife, but I also am proud of and respect other branches of the military, whether they are active or reserve because in the end, they all have one common goal, to protect us and keep us free.
I completely agree, Rita! Ultimately, no matter what branch, our military all work together for the same goal. In bases/posts and in overseas deployments at this very moment our men and women in uniform are working alongside one another to achieve a common goal. The base where my husband drills in a Joint Reserve Base, so when I do go to the Commissary or on base, I see members of the military from all branches. Some are active and some are not. I don’t see what they are classified as, I merely see what they are doing—serving our country. :)
Unebelievable! As the wife of a Navy Reservist, I am appalled that anyone could be so heartless toward other women who go through the same situations—but as you said with less support. I appreciate you acknowledging that many reservist/guardsmen-women are prior military. My husband was active duty Navy for 14 years before he got out…and he stayed out only 3 years before going into the reserves. That’s right…he went back in because he missed the military life and the service and duty that comes with it. We were NOT married when he was active duty, so I have never been an active duty wife. I am, however, the wife of a military man (as I type this I am sitting next to his NWU’s that need to be washed). That being said, before he finishes his time (ten years…one down, nine to go) he will be deployed abroad multiple times for active duty. This isn’t a possibility, as an officer it is a fact and it is his duty. I have to accept that. I live MILES away from a military base and the internet is one way I am able to have the support I need from other military wives. (Well, except for the one who wrote the above mentioned blog. )
As for respecting military ranks above your husband, my husband is an Ensign. In other words, low end of the totem pole for officers. In December, I met his outgoing and his brand new CO. They were both smart enough to know that I am a SPOUSE and not in uniform. Seriously, what does she think these people are?? Anway, the last thing one wants to do is something stupid like Roxy did in episode one of “Army Wives” or as you put it so eloquently be a stepford “Claudia Joy.” That being said, why would you be anything but gracious and polite when you meet your husbands work superiors—military or civilian? Some things are just common sense. Hurray for her, she put on a dress, makeup and manners. We do reflect on our husbands, but let’s not kid ourselves, it isn’t a full length mirror! More like a compact mirror.
Sorry, I will stop my rant here. But I really do not, nor will I ever, understand people who want to be divisive in the military or in military families.
I suppose we should not be surprised though, there are rude and mean people in America and some of them are military wives.
Yes! I love you! You said EVERYTHING right about this post. The part that bothered me the most about her post was that she thought she was so much better than everyone else. Get over yourself girl!
***slow clap***
I hope the original blogger grows up & gets a clue. I couldn’t believe it when I first read it.
I wonder what happened in her community of spouses and military families to prompt these opinions she holds?
My husband did 10 yrs actives and now has over 3 years in the guard. I may be an military wife now but I also was on active duty for over 6 years. When I read her blog last night I really wanted to shake her. What an idiot! Oh and I do have to point out th epicture on her blog of what I am assuming is ner in ACU’s pregnant with a pink blet wrapped around. I understand using a prop for a picture but that was a little overboard. I would have to blame some of this on her husband who obviously has an issue with guard soldiers and has passed his beliefs onto his wife. Did she ever stop and think…hey what about Active Duty National Guard? There are all types of guard jobs and they all require a uniform. It does not make you any less of a soldier. When we file our taxes that w2 comes from the same place “hunny”.
I have a feeling her “hubs” is the culprit behind her thinking. How else would she get this bizzare backward idea? My husband and I were Reservists and now he is AGR. We live on an Army post. While there is always the teasing about, “Oh look at the Reservist with the jacked up uniform/ low PT score/ can’t shoot etc.”, it is just that; teasing. Anyone who really believes they are better is fooling themselves. She needs a reality check.
Her husband commented on her blog. This is his response to her blog:
This is the “Hubs”. I’m very proud of my wife for her blog. She spoke her mind about something that was bothering her. That is essentially what a blog is. What most of you don’t understand, since you are National Guard, related to one, or married to one, is that it really bothers any active duty, full time, Regular Army soldier to be compared to national guard. I am always being asked what gaurd unit I’m with. Even when I tell people I’m active duty, they still don’t get it. This isn’t anybody’s fault, it is just the ignorance of people in this area because there is no real Army base near by. The closest one is Fort Drum, NY, which is about 5 hours from Burlington. If you lived near a main post then everybody in the surrounding area would assume you were an active duty soldier working there, not a member of the guard. It is the exact opposite for those of us that are proud members of the Federal army who are stationed in this rural area. Most people do not know who we are, or what the Regular Army is about. A lot of people actually believe the National Guard is the one and only army for the U.S. This is a huge pet peeve of mine and I make sure to educate people who think this. My wife was doing the same thing by writing the blog, in a ranting kindof way. She had just had it with people calling me a guard member, and not knowing the difference. I could go blue typing on here the difference between the two, and most of you won’t get it either because all you know is the Guard. I respect the members of the Guard. Both the state of Vermont (and the other states and territories) and the Country needs citizen soldiers. There was nothing in the blog to say otherwise.
She looks great and very sexy in the uniform. She is not a soldier so she does not fall under Army Regulations. Look up recent Supreme Court rulings, as well as Federal Laws, that say wearing the uniform is a freedom of expression as long as you are not trying to impersonate a member of the military. Under Army Regulation 670-1, which governs how the Army uniform is worn, goes on to state that official uniforms (that civilians cannot wear) are “distinctive and will not be sold to or worn by unauthorized personnel:
(1) All Army headgear, when worn with insignia.
(2) Badges and tabs (identification, marksmanship, combat, and special skill).
(3) Uniform buttons (U.S. Army or Corps of Engineers).
(4) Decorations, service medals, service and training ribbons, and other awards and their appurtenances.
(5) Insignia of any design or color that the Army has adopted.” (Army Regulation 670-1, par. 1-12).
Insignia of any design or color that the Army has adopted has to do with unit patches. If you look at the Regulations, consult federal law, and look at the Supreme Court rulings concerning free speech (while wearing the uniform), you will see that my wife is perfectly within her rights to wear an ACU top and bottom and look great doing it. My wife is not a soldier. She supports the fact that I am in the military, which is not something that all soldiers can say of their spouse. Look at the picture of her, the only thing visible is the American Flag. She had that on there because she is a proud American. I am happy and proud to be married to one. She has never cheated on me, I don’t know why anybody would put something as mean as that on here, but it is slander and not appreciated. Opinons are appreciated, that is what a blog is. But going to the length of being mean and spiteful is very sad. If you are going to post, try to be an adult. At no time was this blog meant to offend anybody, regardless of military affiliation or not.
Thank you for looking at the blog. Please be respectful that this is her blog and her opinion on things.
I truly feel sorry for the chick the day she steps on a real military base and faces real life as an Army Wife..She has just alienated everybody with her ignorance, And I think she realizes that now,hence her not allowing any comments. I guess she never read the quote, “Better to look a fool than to open your mouth and have it confirmed”…She’s been an Army Wife all of six months and has just made herself the poster child for the Army Wife No One Wants To Be or Be Associated With…Maybe he should have drove her to Ft Drum,so she could have got a taste of how a real Army Spouse behaves,and then she wouldn’t have written her stupid blog and realized that she can’t even Call herself a Army Wife and that she’s not Living the Army Life.
I loved your comment,Ft.Drum is where we are too and I wish she could see how it functions on a real base. I also love your little picture, the Autism awareness one. My son is on the spectrum and it was nice to see lol. Random, I know:D
LOL..Thanks,we were at drum for 4 years,now we’re in Florida..My 7 year old son is on the spectrum too…I too wish she could see how it functions,she is in for a real rude awakening when he does finally get to a base.
AMEN! I hope someone knocks her down a few notches lol. Reservist and guardsmen and women still serve a purpose.
wow! that was one unbeliveable blogpost. i’m trying to see it her way..i know when we where stationed in italy we were stationed on a post of a different branch than ours. i heard wifes there saying how hard it was becuase their husbands were gone for 2 months. my husband gets deployed for a year. so i have to admit that i couldnt understand? to me, yes its hard for husband to be gone for two months, but the reality is id take months any day complared to a year. i hope this is what she is refering to. i cant possibily imagine someone being so hateful. also i have always lived around army bases. my dad is retired army, my ex husband is retired army and my husband now is active duty. we just moved to PA where i feel i must be the only “army wife” in town. and i do kind of feel out of place here. i have no one that i feel knows the things i have gone through. such as, my husband is not the same person a knew ever since he was deployed the first time. or just silly things like im going to the comisssary, oops! i mean to say walmart. but i dont think its enought to badger others becuase they are not in the active duty army. my husband also was in the national guard before i met him. i happen to be proud of him also and i dont think he’s any better now, just becuase he is active army. i dont know maybe im ranting too. i tried looking it her way, its just not adding up for me, but i gave her a chance…its all i can do. and then ignore ignarant people…
I whole heartedly agree with you!!! NO military spouse is better then the other. Ive met quite a few women who have a similar mentality as the one above. The post we’re stationed at is a HUGE infantry post. Alot of the infantry wives like to go around saying ‘Youve never really been through a deployment until youve been through an infantry deployment’. While our husbands go on month long missions and what not it doesnt mean other wives done suffer the same emotions as an infantry wife. A deployment is a deployment any way you look at it. Same with which branch, and how you serve. National Guardsmen and women STILL serve our country. They still put their brave faces on and fight the enemy. Ive been doing this ‘job’ now for five years, not as long as some wives but long enough to pick up a few things here and there. You cant be on your high horse with your nose in the air or youre bound to be lonely and without any support system. End of story.
And does she feel big letting us all know she met the 1SGT? Some wives have, whoo hoo big deal. When I met my hubbys 1SGT I was changing my baby’s stinky butt in the middle of the office, who cares? We dont one up each other, we dont pretend to be perfect, its alot of time and energy that most wives dont care to spend. Just my opinon
Ps: If any letters or punctuation are missing in my comment I apologize. My two toddlers like to play the ‘Lets pull the shiney black buttons off mommy’s computer’. Im missing about 20 keys….Lol
I have a friend veteran Army Wife who has been burned one too many times by bitchy disrespectful Know it all Military Wives that she doesn’t associate herself with the military at all. She even goes to Drs off base and she’d probably defend this girl. I don’t love her any less but she hates the military and stereotypes associated with it so she does her own thing seperated from her husbands career and they make it work… I don’t know how? But some people apparently can? I bleed green so… Not me, but maybe something’s happened that made her this way or maybe she just really doesn’t get the feirce way that some of us love and protect or soldiers and our military.
Ignorance is bliss and lack of knowledge in being a military wife , will get you no where’s. Thinking you know it all and your better, wow you have a sad awakening coming! We are sisters and brother’s all united by love and sperated by duty. Sweetie (& thats being kind) how about next time you decide to put your husband and your self on a pedestal you learn the cold hard facts. mmk.thanks!
Very, very well-written response. I didn’t see the original post until 5am when I woke up for no reason, and truthfully it kept me awake for quite awhile brewing in my own frustration. Her superiority complex is painful and offensive. I wanted to ask her if my husband, who is active duty and has been for the past almost five years, is any less of a soldier because he spent his first four AD years in medical school for the military (very specfically the military medical school), and the past seven months working in a military hospital as resident to further his medical training to care for soldiers- NG and AD and Reserve. My husband has never deployed (yet), and while he has done his fair share of field training exercises with medicine, and airborne school, and flight surgeon school, he certainly does not seem to fall into her criteria of what makes a “real” AD soldier. So I have I ask her, is my husband less of a soldier too because he works in a hospital every day and our lifestyle appears more civilian and medically related? He puts on that same uniform every day, and is as every bit dedicated to serving his country and those soldiers who go out into the field for training and do the “real Army” thing every day.
Her criteria for what defines a soldier are skewed, and to minimize the efforts of those NG and Reserve soldiers and their families is wrong. My husband is every bit as AD as her husband is, yet many of those NG and Reserve soldiers have done a lot more militarily than my husband has had to do in his nearly five active duty years so far. There is no reason that he should get to be called a soldier (just bc he’s AD) than any of the Guard members. They deserve the title and the respect, and there is no shame in being mistaken for one.
Ok. Who died and made her Queen of all that makes you an Army Wife? And all of this coming from a woman who has been married to the Military for 6 months?? One who has NEVER lived the Active Duty life? When did she go through a Deployment?
She met her husband at his current Duty Station – which is while acting as a Recruiter. So she has never been through a Deployment. She has never sat by the phone/computer WAITING, PLEADING, BEGGING the phone/Skype to ring. She has never slept with, showered with and ate with her phone PRAYING she doesn’t miss the call.
She has never had to explain to her children why Daddy isn’t here, when he is coming back.
She has never held the hand of a friend who’s Spouse ISN’T coming back. She has never sat through a Memorial for a Soldier in her husband’s Unit, a friend to both, who ISN’T coming back.
She has never had to live COUTRIES away from her Family. She hasn’t spent Holidays alone.
And yet she is going to sit there while her Recruiter husband works from 0900-1700 trying to get other Men and Women to sign up to be in the Guard or go Active Duty? And she is going to tell those Vermont ARMY National Guard Spouses – that they are not Army Wives?
She is going to be in for a RUDE awakening when she DOES have to LIVE the Army Wife Role.
And just because she was so nasty – and wanting to tell people how to act and how to be a “proper” Army Wife – I am sure I am not the only one who did the Math. Getting Married while already 4 months pregnant (14 Sept. 2011 wedding with a 22 Feb due date) is surely not a “Proper” Army Wife now is it? (Not meant to knock ANYONE else who got PG before getting married…just the bashing the VTNG since she wants to tell all of US Army Wives how to be and act “Proper”)
I am an ACTIVE DUTY ARMY OFFICER SPOUSE. Who applauds all of the Countries MILITARY SPOUSES – No matter what your Spouses rank, unit, color of beret, length of duty, branch of service is…if you support your MILITARY SERVICE MEMBER – you deserve respect. Much more than that little twit is spouting off.
(PS. And if she really wants to do herself some good – she needs to read this – we should ALL be kissing the guns of the VTNG for their Historical Significance. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Mountain_Boys )
(Oh and PPS. You may get to see that “Active Duty” life pretty soon…I am thinking a Recruiter not able to make his quota – is going to have a hard time holding a Recruiting position. I am sure there are enough Spouses who may just want to hang around outside the Recruiting station your husband is working at with copies of your blog to hand out to possible Recruits. And I am sure there are other Recruiters working there who will show a little more respect.)
AMEN!!! Love this..
Her little comment about how her husband has been through 2 deployments and shes soooo proud because his mind is still as strong as a rock PISSED ME OFF. PTSD does NOT make you weak, or weak-minded. I would never wish PTSD on anyone, because its been hell, but my husband with PTSD is still 50 times the soldier her recruiter jerkoff of a husband will ever be. I hope one day when she’s living on a REAL post and has been a wife for more than 5 seconds, someone delivers the clue by four to the head for her. Ive never seen such ignorance or bullshit in my entire life. So completely classless.
Well said sister! I wonder how many times her husband has been shot, blown up, or done anything hard. My hubby with PTSD is a full time job to care for because HE actually SACRIFICED for his country.
AMEN girl. Id love to hear her say something like that to my face, just once!!
How dare her say that! My brother in law was national guard and served in Iraq at age 19. Came home and has PTSD! My husband has not seen his brother in three years because he cant visit this base because it will send him to a bad place hearing all the guns and artillery! My husband is in the army but def feels his brothers sacrafice was more then his! Respect for all who are in the military!! Be thankful that you solder even made it back you don’t need to rub it into people’s faces who are less fortunate then you! And just because they make it home doesn’t mean that all of them made it back! My brother in law lost more of himself over there and will never feel like a child of god again!!!
Sounds to me like she could benefit from some AFTB courses. Which are even available online at the introductory levels.
I tried to resist reading the original post after friends told me what it was about, but I couldn’t help myself.
My husband is a disabled veteran and I found soooo many things offensive about that igorant woman’s blog post. She truly has no clue. It really ticked me off that she bragged that her husband is “solid as a rock” after 2 deployments. As a wife of a vet with severe PTSD and a TBI, I’d love to smack some sense into her. She has a LOT to learn about military life. No branch is better than another. If her husband has a complex about people thinking he’s NG, then maybe he needs to grow up and figure out what his real problem is. Army life is going to be very hard on this little girl when reality peeks its head out.
Its just shameful. Now we know why army wives get a bad rap.
I feel for her, she must feel pretty alone right now, lots of hateful things being said to her because of her opinions. A simple ‘I disagree with you and here’s why…’ would suffice, in stead she’s berated for holding an unpopular opinion? This entire situation and all sides of it make me sad. We should and can be better than this.
Why does she deserve politeness? She deserves to be berated because she just devalued a HUGE group of people, not to mention degrading Wounded Warriors with PTSD.
The thing is Karla she didn’t just make a small opinion. To disrespect our service members by saying they are not important because they have PTSD is going beyond a simple opinion. Sometimes you have to call folks out. Then again that is just my opinion.
I appreciate your comment though and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I totally agree. Her post was just dumb (IMO) until she flippantly addressed PTSD & insinuated that it’s not a big deal & that her husband was solid enough to not have to deal with it. She has, very obviously, absolutely no first-hand experience with the PTSD these soldiers, sailors, airmen, & marines are dealing with…and I’m most definitely including the national guard in that list.
PTSD is a serious matter, it deserves our respect. Each of us has a strong opinion on these matters because as military spouses its a possible threat to our family. I don’t hear that this person is taking it lightly, I hear that she believes suffering from PTSD is not unique to military service members, that others suffer from it as well.
I have to ask myself ‘why do I care to get involved in the conversation on either side’ and my answer is this…
We emotionally react to her statements because the matter concerns us deeply, no foul in that. Making a counter-argument defending your position is understandable. Statements against her as a person aren’t necessary and could be considered cyber bullying. How would each of us feel if as a result of hateful things that were directed at her person she harmed herself? Would you feel any responsibility? Why or why not?
And I also wonder what her perspective is like. Is her comment a representation of how alone she feels by not having others who understand ? Why did she say those things?
I didn’t say anything against her person. I don’t know her, I only know what she wrote. I haven’t said anything I wouldn’t say to her if she were standing in front of me, quite frankly.
I am also not alone in taking her statements about PTSD as being ignorant, dismissive, & cruel. Plenty of men who are “solid as a rock” come home broken beyond repair. I am very glad she removed that section from her original post.
That spouse who made the comments about Guard Wives really upset me. I have friends all around the US whos husbands are National Guards, and they are as much “Real Military Spouses” as I am. Sure, they havent moved 4 times in 4 years, and dont have to re-adjust constantly to knew Units and Towns, and Countries BUT they have had to deal with the emotions and struggles that come with BCT, AIT, and deployments. I will be honest, my husband and I have been seperated for only 18 months out of his last 4 years of being in the Army AND thats because he had his BCT and AIT and then was in Korea for almost 8 months before I could join him there! He has NEVER been deployed to a combat zone. So I infact give a lot of credit to my friends whos husbands have been deployed. One gone for 18 months in total for his training then deployment. Yea, once he came home he was around more and only gone now and again, hes is STILL a Soldier and his family deserves ALL the respect of an Active Duty Family he is still out there risking his life for the country. Reserve, Guard, Active they ALL deserve that respect. They are all in fighting for the same cause! Also, I have actually been really involved with all our Units. I was the FRG Leader in our Brigade Unit in S.Korea and here I am just involved with all Unit activities (we really dont have an FRG) but I have spent many hours around the Commands. In Korea I spent many hours around the Commanders of our Brigade (Colonel), Battalion (Luetenit Colonel) and Company (Captain) and while yes, I did show the correct respect and was careful with my word choices as to not offend, however I did not feel the need to make sure I was all perfectly dressed and with my hair and makeup done perfectly and only spoke when spoken to. They are normal people, who have a higher rank. Of course, that doesnt mean I would go to their office looking like I had just rolled out of bed, Or like I was about to head out to a club.. Speaking with the Commands isnt something most spouses do on a regular basis, but really, youre not expected to be a “perfectly put together robotic and obedieant” wife. They know youre a real human and you should give them respect they deserve but really, they dont mind having spouses talk with them, well most of them anyway. Just remember that YOUR actions do and will effect your spouse.
I wouldn’t agree that NG spouses don’t move as often. I’m on my third move in two years and another coming up this Summer – given, it’s for training, and sometimes it can even be as a result of units get BRAC’d, but at the end of the day, that’s all part of the military.
“A lot of people actually believe the National Guard is the one and only army for the U.S. This is a huge pet peeve of mine and I make sure to educate people who think this. My wife was doing the same thing by writing the blog, in a ranting kindof way”
I am so confused by this comment by the husband. I have NEVER met anyone (even before I married my army guy) that believed that the only army we have is National Guard.
He pretty much also goes on to state that those that were commenting on her blog and were upset were because they were some way related or married to a NG member. I personally do not know anyone in the guard and am taken back by their thoughts. When my sister came to me for advice on her husband joining I gave her advice and when she asked my opinion on what I thought if he wanted to do NG instead I just told her that if thats what he wants to go for it. I didnt say advice her to have him go active duty because apparently they are better. That whole blog post is filled with ignorance.
She goes on to point out all the stuff you should do as an army wife and how she never sees NG wives following said “rules”. I think its insane! If she lived at a military post she would see the same things she says NG wives do done by those wives on post. There are “real army wives” who dont follow OPSEC and there are those who are being more affectionate than they probably should be in public with their solider. And is she really ranting about taking pics in your husband’s uniform when she has a belly pic in her husband’s?!
Thank you for pointing that out too. Many AD wives so the same thing she claims NG wives do. We all go through the same struggles and emotions. Shame on her!
Thanks so much for taking time to comment!
I’m not even exaggerating when I say that my jaw dropped a few times while reading this. She does seem very new to the life. It also seems like her whole problem with it all is just a need to be superior to someone. I’m sure she’ll be a wife that thinks her husbands rank is her own in the future.
So as an “Army wife” of a soldier in the national guard I was very offended. Like you said they go through the same Bct and AIT. My husband is currently deployed so I know the stresses of being alone and having to deal with everything (our daughter, house, bills etc.) on my own all while I am in school myself. The big difference is that when he is off duty we live more of a civilian life, but honestly I can’t remember the last time our life was like a normal civilian. (lol) and I can’t remember the last time I talked to another mil spouse going through the same things in person not someone I’ve met over the Internet. so just like most of you have said someone who serves no matter the branch deserves respect along with the family that support them.
Well spoken, Krystal!
I didn’t do any additional reading around her blog before I read her post on NG wives and soldiers. My first thought reading it was, “She must be new.” I’ve seen it before–hell, I’ve done it before! I mean, I was new once, too. But 15 years down the road (and meeting a lot of active, national guard and reserve families later), my perspective has changed quite a bit.
We’ve spent time al large posts and are now at a very small installation that is mostly used for training National Guard and Reserve. Most of my neighbors in military housing are AGR. If anything, I’ve got more compassion for those “not soldiers” and their families because they are in a unique position of straddling the line of civilian life and military life. As an Active Duty wife, I’ve got the necessary support systems of ACS, MWR and a spouses club (no FRG for our particular unit, but most units here do have them). From what I understand, NG and Reserve don’t often have those resources at their disposal. And while they may have familial support, it’s not the same as having a group that fully understands what it’s like to live with a deployment, or dealing with Tricare or DEERS, or any number of things that active duty spouses deal with on a daily basis and (somewhat) understand.
And as for the outdated etiquette of dealing with people of a higher rank, L-O-freakin’-L. If I had let myself follow what she feels are the rules for that, I wouldn’t have the friends that I’ve made here at our current duty location. Sometimes, you just have to let the conventions of the “Old Army” go.
I’m a NG wife and I think she is referring to someone such as myself. When I asked the recruiter if my husband could be deployed overseas his response was “No ma’am, he would stay in the country”. So this is not something that any of us signed up for. I’m not a strong, educated on the military, army wife. The closest FRG is over 3 hours away. And like Haley said, it’s not a normal civilian life. I wish it were only one weekend a month. My husband has missed more of our 3 kids birthdays then they deserve to remember. So where I can see how someone would come up with that mentality, she should know that my husband isn’t any less of a person then her’s is. I am very proud of him for being put in a situation our family was not prepared for and is doing well along with all the active duty soldiers. And as for me, no, I am not as strong as her or as dedicated to the military as her. But I am human, and I grieve like her, I cry like her, I worry like her, I am lonely like her. And military aside, as a woman to a woman it would be nice to see more compassion. I admire all of you for your sacrifices you and your loved ones make everyday. I have a whole new respect for military families. But someone else said it best in a comment that we should not go around comparing who’s worse off. That’s not a contest I want to win. And for someone who is trying to be the perfect wife, I’d like her to know that martyrdom is not a very lady like trait in anyone. That’s my two cents.
I also could not finish her post and I am just at a loss for words on how to even comment on her thoughts. The only thing I can say is:
My husband is in the Army National Guard and is preparing for deployment right now and I consider my self an ARMY WIFE.
This is why the stereotype that army wives are elitists is out there. How disrespectful and narccistic to feel that she can correct someone when they state they are an army wife and she thinks they are not. When did the rules on military spouses come out? Who is she to judge ANYONE? Military or not, a lot of wives have hard lives. She is civilian just like any other wife with a soldier husband. Maybe if she joined the National Guard, she’d change her tune.
I’m almost ashamed to write on this.
My husband spent almost 10th years active duty military before doing National Guard. The NG unit he was with was also a special unit. When our state closed the SF portion of the guard, he decided he was done. I say all that to say we have only been married for two years, and I’ve only had to deal with him being gone for about 6 months in Afghanistan.
I feel like a total wuss with you amazing women. Today, my hubs is planning on going back in to the NG. He misses it, and knows it’ll be easier now that he has a wife that supports him. I don’t feel like a regular Army Wife. My husband works full time, goes to school full time, and now will probably be spending a lot more time away from home. There’s two units that are vying for him: one with a deployment in October. The other I’m a little unimpressed with.
I originally liked this page on FB just to get a better idea of what to expect. I’m so grateful for women like you that see the NG as a serious branch of the military.
And to the little twit that said that her husband doesn’t have PTSD, I have a feeling he’s hiding it from you because he knows you’ll think less of him. Toodles!
Apparently, there’s two Jenns! I’m Jenn T! K!
OMG. I can’t believe the audocity of this chick. Who cares if they are guard or AD? She needs to get off of her high horse. My husband WAS a reservist and his unit was deploying every 2 years b/c of the MOS he was under…and that’s a lot for a reserve unit. So she has no idea what these people go through. (He’s active duty now, and he had to deal with the stigma of being a reservist going through a selection course…ppl thinking he was a “weekend warrior” which is what this lady is implying.) We, as military spouses, are in this together. We should be supporting each other. Not tearing each other down b/c we think our husbands are doing more than others. Everyone does their part. She clearly doesn’t know what it means to be a military spouse and I’m ashamed that she is apart of the Army community.
I think she has the right to say whatever she wants but seems that she went a little too far with her statements. I completely agree that national guards are soldiers like AD Army. Anyway what was her point on witting about this? Who cares if a national guard wife consider themselves army wives I think they are period.
Krystel I like the way you answered to that post.
I refuse to click her link. She sounds like a snot and is just looking to get a rise out of people. As for her stepford wives/claudia joy thing, well I think we could all use a little more of that. I see too many people mouthing off, walking around in their dirty pjs and look a mess. I live in my pjs at home but if I’m leaving my house besides getting the mail, I put on clothes. If you are planning on being anywhere near someone your spouse works with, have a little class and some clean clothes on! Maybe I’m old fashioned and it wouldn’t be the first time I was called that but I think this world needs a little more manners and class.
My husband has been in the Guard for 14 years, and is currently on his 3rd deployment in 7 years. I’ve considered myself an Army Wife the entire time we’ve been married. I read her blog, and it was insulting. My first thought was for those in the Guard who didn’t make it home – does she consider them less of a soldier too? I realize her husband is feeding her what she thinks – he says as much in his comment. It’s too bad she’s burning bridges that she might need some other time.
Her whole thing about not touching your soldier in uniform made me laugh – I know that when I first see him after he gets back, I’m not going to be reserved enough to just tuck my arm in his elbow!
Thank you to the Active Duty Ladies who are standing behind us.
I think its sad and she is fresh and has misgivings about military lifAlbeit, no matter how much we disagree, unfortunately she does have the *cough freedom of speech….no matter how ignorant her rant may be. I agree with an earlier post, her “hubs” could be the influence behind her thought process. Or she could be writing saying that she was “hubs”, one thing the internet does is provide us with anonymity, thus allowing us to degrade, lie, and anything else about someone without feeling any remorse. Just look at some of the online boots and fbpages about spouses……
I don’t think spouses or military members need anymore wedges segregating or separating them. I once long ago was a new spouse and though ignorantly that everyone got along and was understanding, I found out real quick that was not the case. When and if she ever has to move on post, she will hr a dose of reality. Leave her be for now….that’s how you handle children, you let them touch a hot stove after you have already warned them.
She seems young and really, really dumb. I guess it’s her job to classify who is a soldier and who is not, who is a military wife and who is not. Ignorance is bliss and she seems pretty happy with herself.
Sorry replying from work on my phone in the corner hiding from my patients LOL