Latest Update: The spouse in question’s husband’s UNIT has issued an apology…View it HERE.
Update: The author of the blog post mentioned has removed her blog in it’s entirety.
Last night while surfing Facebook at almost 1am in the morning , I came across several posts from military spouses who were disturbed by a blog post from a Vermont Army Wife who suggested that National Guard Wives are not Real Army Wives. The post has since been removed.
I don’t want to come off as a hypocrite because I am all about free speech and speaking as you wish, I mean hell it’s her blog. That being said one thing I cannot stand is sheer stupidity and ignorance, especially from a new (yes I’m calling it out because she is new to this life) military wife who is giving off the impression that she knows it all.
What She Said
In a nutshell according to a rebuttal blog post written by her husband, this Army Wife was fed up with people mistaking her husband for being in the National Guard. According to her husband most people don’t know that it bothers Active Duty soldiers to be compared to the National Guard…funny my husband says he missed that memo . They are mad that everyone assumes they are active duty military because her husband it appears works at a National Guard post.
In addition although she lives in Vermont and it seems she herself doesn’t have everyday contact with military spouses she presumes to say that National Guard spouses aren’t Army Wives. The killer statement was when she wrote her list of things”National Guard spouses say” of which one was: “Well my husband has PTSD”. She proceeds to say and I quote”
“I’m so proud to say that the Hubs has been through 2 deployments, and his mind is as solid as a rock. What Guard spouses seem to not realize, is that A LOT of other people, who have nothing to do with the military, have PTSD. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to deal with, and I would never wish it on anybody, but just because he has PTSD, doesn’t automatically file him in the ‘soldier’ category”.
I mean are you completely insane? How do you even find anything right about this statement? I honestly don’t know what to say because some statements are so bold that you don’t even know how to reply! You have no idea how much you just disrespected anyone who wears or has worn the uniform and suffers from this horrible disease.
Oh oh and don’t forget her Step-ford Wife Statement as quoted below:
“Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband’s 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma’am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said ‘Excuse me.’ It’s simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses”.
First of all the majority of us (or at least the spouses I know) rarely if ever come in contact with our husband’s First Sgt. Secondly since when do I have to speak only when spoken to ? I mean who are you trying to be Claudia Joy from “Army Wives”?
There is so much more I could point out but I don’t want to come off as just picking because then my message will most likely be missed. Quite honestly I am not sure if I even have a message to this woman or if I just needed to ask if she is serious, or was her post doing exactly what the title said “Stirring the Pot”?
My Thoughts
First and foremost alot of people are saying well we have jumped on her enough and so on. Many feel that jumping on her perpetuates the attacking stigma that some think are attached to military wives. In my case I am not attacking her , but what I am doing is giving her a good dose of the TRUTH!
The truth is honey whether you like it or not , you are no more special then the next military spouse. Speaking of which includes those National Guard Wives you mentioned because they are in fact Army Wives too. Now don’t get me wrong we are a special group of women but let’s not divide us. The fact that you even made the comment that when their husband’s get back from war they don’t have to deal with the military life makes you seem really new to this life. I guess PTSD or injuries don’t count as having to deal with anything when they come back. Sure Guard service members don’t go onpost daily and deal with some of the everyday pressures of being a soldier, but when it comes down to it they have to deploy and fight just like everyone else. They had to go through BCT and AIT like everyone else, and when they retire they receive benefits just like everyone else.
We live offpost at Fort Bragg and it’s not like we go through so much with the military life. I mean sure his job has it’s moments but otherwise life is not that much different then the average person for us except for when we are PCS’ing.
What kills me the most is did you ever realize that many of the National Guard were Active Duty before? My husband may get out and enlist in the National Guard himself, so is he less of a soldier? I mean I am assuming this his past deployments count for nothing or the fact that he proudly served in 2 branches of the United States Military?
The stickler is you don’t even live in a military town or base or even close to a main base (your words not mine) yet you are the end all be all of what a military spouse has to go through and what the proper code of Army wife conduct is? Sounds like to me if you truly tried to make friends with some of the National Guard spouses instead of turning your nose up at them , I am sure one of the Veteran Army Wives could be a great friend to you.
A real military spouse (since you feel you know it all I feel obligated to correct you for future reference) would know that real honor is knowing to never ever step out and discredit any man or woman who has so bravely made the choice to serve our country.
A real military spouse would know that the you just bit the hand of the very support system you could have (those National Guard spouses) because you have this skewed reality that somehow you and your husband are on a higher pedestal because he is Active Duty. Those spouses go through just as much if not more because they don’t always feel like they have the support of the so called” everyday” military community. When a military spouse’s husband is deployed we all go through the same feelings. Are you implying that a Reserve wife doesn’t go through the same stress and emotions when her husband is away?
Way to go for making them feel more alone then I assume they already feel!
I am here to tell you darling you are no special then anyone else, in fact when you come to an actual military base let me know so I can show you the ropes.
So I have to ask is this wife one of the few who believe this or are there other spouses who feel this way? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market.
She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries. 223 Comments on Is She Serious?…My Response To One Of The Most Ignorant Army Wives Ever!
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Wow–the fact that there’s even one person out there who feels this way really undermines the sense of community that tie all military spouses and their families, regardless of the capacity or branch in which their spouse serves. I guess some individuals will always have to feel superior regardless of the actual truth of the matter, and I say this as a former National Guard spouse and now Active-duty Army spouse–and you know what? The labels mean nothing to me, my husband or the individuals with whom he served and now serves–I am a proud military spouse. End of story.
This blog makes me sad, her views are very warped and in a “fantasy” tv land. You were right and hit the nail on the head when you made the statement about her thinking she’s Claudia joy from the tv show. My husbands been active duty army for 11 years now and I don’t care who you are, what branch or rank someone holds, at the end of the day we all feel the same emotions. Every time I hear someone’s spouse is deploying my heart aches for the family no matter what branch, a deployment is a deployment and we’ve all been there and understand the pain and hurt of going through one.
Also, this whole business of proper “etiquette” of the military wife is just fantasy. Don’t speak unless spoken to? Really?! That whole part just made me laugh, thanks for the comical relief. I’m sorry if that how her household and marriage works (I feel bad for anyone’s that does) but mine most certainly does not. When I go into the company granted I am dressed and put together (nothing fancy, I’m talking jeans and nice top with basic makeup on) but that’s just because im in public when anyone just stops over to our house I’m in yoga pants and a tshirt. Theyre on my turf and I don’t care lol I don’t see rank, it’s not my job. I use manners and respect others regardless, thats from a proper upbringing. My goodness. She will learn soon enough what military life is all about. Rookies (shaking my head) <>
Last time I checked, it was the ARMY National Guard. I’m sure that if your husband is in the ARMY National Guard, you can safely be considered an ARMY wife. Ridiculous. I bet this woman has lots of friends….
I can’t not comment. I’ve thought about it all day and it makes me so mad to restrain myself from commenting on her site.
I’m an Army wife, living in Germany. My husband (active duty soldier) has been deployed 3 times. We’ve live a crazy, typical life as far as this Army life goes.
I am appalled at her comments.
Especially about PTSD. She really did disrespect all our service members who have fought these wars, only to come home with this disease.
Also, I’d almost say Reservists/National Guard members might have a different? harder? situation where PTSD is involved… Because they come home and return to a civilian job. They have to disconnect from the military. They take their uniform off and return to their office slacks, or whatever. I know some soldiers (service members) with PTSD feel safer in uniform, or at work surrounded by their military peers & military jobs.
There are so many differences in active duty/reserve/national guard. Yes, our lives are different. We don’t necessarily deal with the same issues/stresses/lengths of separation/etc/etc/etc. But I could say the same thing about my neighbor- a fellow active duty Army wife…. Her and I don’t deal with the same issues either.
Our service members have one thing in common- they all signed to protect their country, our freedoms. It doesn’t matter how or what uniform or where or for how long they do that… They do it. They did it. They continue to sign and serve…
And they. And their families….
Deserve nothing but respect. And love. And support.
As an active duty Army wife, I can acknowledge her comment that there are “differences” between Army and NG soldiers and their families. But that is where my agreement ends. Yes, a dog is a dog and a cat is a cat. But both of them have a place in this fight and both of their families sacrifice. I can list off many AD soliders families who have endured very little, based on luck of the draw duty stations, lack of deployments, etc… and I can tell you, personally, of TWO NG families that have gone through back-to-back-to-back separations and deployments.
Her “concerns” about conduct and the “proper” way to act as an Army wife is also asinine. Sure, there are some situations in which formal, appropriate conduct is necessary. Certainly, respecting OPSEC and COC rules are necessary. But military wives IN GENERAL need to present themselves (and vis-a-vie, their husbands) with respect, positivity and community. Does she really think that a public statement bashing other milspouses is conducting herself in a way that respects her husband’s job? It is certainly no worse than a wife who kisses her husband in uniform (curse that stupid rule anyway!)
We all make mistakes. So, I can see why people want to “cut her some slack.” It is very difficult to draw the line between military conduct and our everyday lives. And ultimately, we probably won’t change her mind at all.
My bottom line: we all need to love and respect each other. We all need to conduct ourselves with class and respect (whether we’re a stone thrower or living in a glass house) and we all need to lighten the hell up. This life is hard enough without making enemies within the one group of people we need the most.
Did she delete part of her post? Because I don’t see anything in it about PTSD.
Yes, she did edit it apparently. She also deleted the 11 or 12 comments there were in which only her hubs supported her before she put a block on comments.
But I can verify that what was quoted above is what she had posted. It was in that arguing points section before it disappeared.
I knew there must have been more to it. Honestly, i’m sure a lot of it had to do with her husband. My fiance is in the Marines and he respects other branches of the military.. but some of the people he graduated boot camp with are so quick to jump to saying that they’re better than other branches of the military – even after just graduating boot camp. My fiance will correct someone if they refer to him as a soldier – and when we get married i’d correct someone if they called me an army wife, but I will never bash on someone because they’re in a different branch of the military. And i’m thankful that my fiance wouldn’t either.
If I were mistaken for an AirWife or a Marine Wife or any other branch of service I’d correct the mistake too. I’ve never not.
“Oh your husband is deployed…what branch is he?”
“National Guard”
The closest to this getting in depth explanation is when they ask “which one” after that. We do have Air and Army guards around here depending on which state you are signed up with–MN is army and ND has both locally.
That confused me the best with how many in depth corrections they seem to be making. It seems to me they would have to go out of their way to differentiate themselves to make this an issue at all. Is it just my experiences around here that I’ve not seen in depth difference explanations on a regular basis? LOL
I don’t think there are too many out there who would dishonor their position as a servicemember or a military family by spouting what she did. I could be surprised though. I sure was when I found that blog last night. :) Congrats on your engagement/upcoming wedding :D
Sidnie–Don’t worry about having to restrain yourself from commenting on her page…I typed up roughly a 2 1/2 page response to her only to discover that she had blocked further comments. It sure is eating at me that I can’t contact her directly….
I am married to a man currently deployed with the MN NG…damn I’m proud of him. He did a 22month deployment from 2005-2007 while we were dating. We have a toddler this time around and I know that my husband is a soldier. I am an Army Wife. Our affiliation is with the MNNG and we are happy about it. We have done AD for the NG (roughly a year for that job’s availability) so time in uniform on a daily basis was checked off. Guess she missed lots of info here because I’m fully aware that I am not the wife of a regular army soldier…and since I hate moving, I’m darn glad of it. Y’all impress me with those moves (though we are looking into an overseas AD tour for the whole family too that is open to NG members with his MOS so you can be sure I’ll be looking up all my Army Wives to help me through that one!). Guess I missed the idea that my hubby is simple a “guardsman” and only works for the “state militia”…I really thought that he did both state and federal duty. Yup, the state of MN calls him up for his drills, they call him up for his AT, and they called him up for flood disaster aid (for us local, for others in the state, few hundred miles away). But dang, I was sure he was deployed under the U.S. as a whole…lol, some people….
As for this blog post…I’m seriously crushing on everything you’ve said. From the stepford wives comment to the biting of the support system hand. I had it running through my head last night most of the night that she is just an idiot to have done that! She talks about manners and then asks for people to stop jumping down her throat when she explains to them that they aren’t Army Wives? WTF??? Didn’t know it was her place to decide that let alone correct someone in person about it….I’m fuming over this blog post of hers and I am loving seeing all the support from Army Wives–not to mention the few other military wives I’ve spotted so far– of all branch affiliations! Thanks for confirming what I’ve always thought, that even though our experiences are different, we are still not an isolated group.
Yes she did edit her post..she also deleted the 11 or 12 comments that slipped in before the block.
i can barely hold back my tears of pure rage right now! She is so simple minded and completely ignorant! I am just beyond fuming mad right now! Apparently she has met a few annoying mil-wives..but haven’t we all. I’ve been to balls where I’ve seen wives dressed liked strippers or have met wives, gf, fiances whatever, that run their mouths and are disrespectful. Its everywhere, in every branch and every rank. You try to be respectful of the uniform, of the rank of what it means, but you don’t have to be a freaking step-ford wife. And seriously?! she doesn’t know anything….if we were to have some debate about soldiers that don a uniform in a guard capacity and active duty….which we won’t because that is absolutely ridiculous, has she ever heard of Active Duty National Guard? That’s what my husband is. without getting all complicated, he’s basically an Active Duty Airmen that works on a guard base. Bet she’s never heard of that! It doesn’t matter what branch you are – they are all important and work together and need each other to get the job done the best and safest way, it doesn’t matter how you serve – 4 month deployment, 6 months or a year! It doesn’t matter how you got your PTSD or how mild or bad it is! gosh, i’ve never been this angry.
Thank you SO much. I am a Army National Guard wife of 12 years. We have survived two deployments. My hubby works full time for the DoD. So our life is constant Army. I would never respect anyone who wears or has worn a uniform. Thankgoodness I know how ignorant this wife is. It is very difficult being a National Guard wife. we have NO support system here. When my hubby deploys I don’t have any others in my area that are going thru this with me. No one here understands. It’s probably a good thing that Vermont is a long way away from North Carolina!
And I acknowledge the differences between AD and NG but for her to say my ‘hubbs’ isn’t a Soldier?!?!
Did you see the piece of trash edited her blog and deleted most of the posts from her blog, as well as taking out the bit about PTSD? I hope her husbands supervisor gets quite a few calls come Monday morning.
I’m curious as this is something I wouldn’t know about personally–what can happen to him from this post? I don’t think it violates any rules but I might be mistaken. Other than a talking to about how disrespectful of the Military in general that was and that they are surrounded by now pissed-off military families (90% of those in the area anyways), is there anything that can actually be done to him? Even if he supported her in saying what she said –as he did have that post that is now gone–HE didn’t go off in a public blog and rip on another service member or family.
Katie, officially nothing will be done. He’ll likely get “talked to” and have it suggested that he control his wife (yes, they still ask the Soldiers to do that), but that’ll be all. Officially. Unofficially, his superiors have undoubtedly made a note of the situation and will remember it come time to promote or PCS him. Especially since he so publicly supported her point of view. And he’ll wonder why he gets the crap assignments and it takes him so long to get promoted. Clueless. Both of them. *sigh*
Thanks for the answer MrsD :) I kinda figured that was gonna be the case and amazingly I did know that soldiers get asked that from time to time still…
@Nicole it looks like she redid some of post. I read it last night and it was in there about the PTSD, just went back and reread and it’s not there. I also noticed NONE of the comments from other readers are on there anymore. He “Hubs” long comment was even gone. I think maybe she finally got a hint and realized we area all the same. Anyway here is to more people getting her to understand there isn’t one special thing that she can get us to understand.
She also reworded a couple spots I noticed since last night. Though I wouldn’t be able to reform them to original I noticed she tried to sound calmer and less ranty in some areas.
The only thing I cared to get from her posting is that she’s been a wife at a non-active duty station for less time than my two year old has been alive and that she assumes we all use Windows OS. I have a Mac, but yes, if you live your life in your own tunnel vision you’d assume that everyone uses Windows, so you’d assume everyone has a red X on the upper right hand corner. Nope, I have a red circle in the upper left hand corner. Oh yeah…there are National Guardsmen currently in a hospital healing from injuries from being SOLDIERS and their wives ::cough:: Army Wives are by their side, helping them heal like an ARMY WIFE should. She just showed her age and ignorance in her posting & she’ll get smacked in the face with reality eventually.
Does it really matter that she said to “click the little red x”? Who cares if you have a Mac or use Windows? Of all the things she said in her post, that’s what you feel the need to point out?
Thanks for sharing.
I dunno if anyone read the comments on this girls post but someone has already forwarded it to O’Brian. She is going to be in deep doodoo for sure. I already posted about it on my blog: http://thriftymilitarymommy.blogspot.com/2012/02/stiring-pot-why-what-you-say-really.html.
I actually feel sorry for the girl because she just brought a huge pile of crap onto her head and she has no one to blame but herself! I feel even worse for her husband! That is the greatest form of disrespect she could’ve shown him. What a crime she’s committed against him :(
her husband agreed with her post and even mentioned how it upsets him and every other AD soldier to be compared to NG members! Such a ridiculous point of view =/
What absolutely irked me about this whole thing is the nerve she had to say that being in the NG does not make you a soldier. At the end of the day, I’m an ordinary wife sometimes going through extraordinary experiences. I don’t need the “Air Force wife” title to make me feel any more or any less about my duties as a supporter, confidant, best friend, counselor, cheerleader, etc. towards my Air National Guard Pilot/Officer hunk of a husband with ten years behind his belt! But I’ll be damned if people out there can honestly sit there and say my husband and many like him are somehow less because they didn’t join the AD side.
Having been married to an ARMY Sniper/soldier before, I don’t feel any more or any less going from an ARMY wife to a NG wife, or from ARMY to AF, nor do I see any differences in experiences when people are deployed, whether it’s for two months or 16 months. The day-to-day worry is the same, the prayers are the same, and the hopes for a better and safer future are the same.
I also can’t see the logic in talking about PTSD the way she did. My ex-husband saw and did things that I can’t even think of without tearing up, and I wasn’t even there. There is no way that those circumstances can leave someone without scars. More power to anyone who can push that under the rug, but it doesn’t make anyone better or worse for experiencing PTSD first hand.
Poor girl – and husband – have a very skewed mentality on what being a soldier/in the military is all about. She’s young, naive, inexperienced, etc., but her husband really should know better! I just hope they both learn from this and grow.
For anyone who copied the Blog – BEFORE she edited it – as I did (I knew she was a coward and would edit it after the fact) and wants it to be taken forward – the email for her Husband’s Battalion is as follows:
1abn-s3@usarec.army.mil
I will be sending them a copy of the Blog before editing as well as her husband’s response. This Soldier and his Spouse should NOT be the face we are putting out there to new Recruits.
I read part of it late last night & when I went today it was gone. Can you post the husband’s response? Thank you :)
Here is the post verbatum….I had copied and pasted it to my facebook…I am by the way a PROUD Vermont Army National Guard wife and mother and also the PROUD mother of a United States Marine! My husband and both of my sons served in Afghanistan at the same time..My husband and eldest son were together and my Marine was on another base….They all serve this country and one being active duty does not make him any better than the others…..
Wednesday, February 8, 2012Stirring the pot…
I want to preface this entire post by saying that this is my blog. I feel that that gives me the right to express my opinion on whatever matters I see fit, if you don’t agree with something that I’m saying, they make a couple handy little buttons. One is a red ‘x’ in the upper right hand corner, feel free to click it, it won’t hurt my feelings. That being said…
Living in Vermont, there isn’t a very strong Active Duty Military presence. 90% of the military influence around here comes from the Vermont National Guard. Oftentimes when I explain that my husband is in the Army, people automatically assume he is in the Guard. It’s an easy assumption. We don’t have an Army base here, we have Camp Johnson, a National Guard base. The Guard ACUs are almost exactly the same as AD Army, and many civilians (and myself) don’t understand a lot of the differences in company patches. The Hubs was still assigned here, and we are still going to be sent away from here. If he hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t have met him. This is where my rant (of sorts) begins.
The Vermont National Guard is just that, they are State Militia. The Hubs is a Regular Army soldier. The National Guard spouses around here like to refer to themselves as ‘Army Wives’. They aren’t. They are wives of Guardsmen or “Guard Wife”. I am the wife of an active duty, federal soldier. That being said, the Hubs is not a Marine, he is not a Sailor, he is not an Airman. He is a Soldier. A dog is not a cat, it’ll never meow.
When you try to explain this to a Guard spouse, they get defensive, and often times throw a huge fit.
My husband is a soldier, he got deployed, just like yours!
I agree, your husband got deployed just like mine, but when he came home, he got to go back to a normal civilian life. When my husband got home, he still had to put on his ACUs and go to work, as a soldier.
I agree, your husband got deployed, just like mine, but when he came home, he knew he wouldn’t get deployed again for at least another four years, in which time he probably wouldn’t have re-upped his contract. When my husband got home, he knew he could turn around and get deployed again. Period.
My husband is a soldier, he has to go to drill!
Yup. One weekend a month, two weeks a year.
My husband is a soldier, he has PTSD!
I’m so proud to say that the Hubs has been through 2 deployments, and his mind is as solid as a rock. What Guard spouses seem to not realize, is that A LOT of other people, who have nothing to do with the military, have PTSD. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to deal with, and I would never wish it on anybody, but just because he has PTSD, doesn’t automatically file him in the ‘soldier’ category.
I can argue your points all day if you want.
I guess what I’m trying to get at here, is that I would really like people to stop jumping down my throat when I tell them that they are not an Army Wife. I’m not trying to imply that you’re any less of a person. I’m not trying to imply that your husband is any less of a man. I applaud him for what he did, if he got deployed, and I respect him for that. I applaud him for the time that he does give up, on his one weekend a month, two weeks a year. I applaud him for going through BT and AIT. He is a member of the Guard, 100%, there is no denying it. He is not a soldier, you are not an Army wife. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m just trying to point out the blatant differences between a Vermont Guard member, and a United States Soldier.
The second part of my rant is this.
As I said before, Vermont Guard is a State Militia… that still comes with responsibility, in uniform and out. As soon as he opens his mouth about being a part of ANY type of military presence, or dons his uniform, he has to realize that. That’s part of what they bash into their heads at BT.
Part of YOUR job as a spouse, is to be a direct reflection of him. That means getting your facts straight, and getting educated.
– Respect OPSEC and PERSEC when your husband is deployed. I see none of this when a Vermont Guard wife has a deployed husband.
– Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband’s 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma’am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said ‘Excuse me.’ It’s simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses.
– Respect your husband when he’s in uniform. Just because my husband and I aren’t on post when he’s in his uniform, I keep the ‘handling’ to a minimum. Technically, you aren’t even supposed to hold hands with him when he’s in uniform. I keep a hand on the Hub’s elbow, or not at all. I don’t sit on his lap, I don’t make out with him, we hardly kiss for that matter. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses are together.
– Respect the uniform itself. Don’t put it on and take sexy pictures with it, with boobs/butt falling out all over the place. That’s just trashy. A fun picture with his cover on is one thing, flaunting your assests is another.
It burns my biscuits when these spouses, who so loudly (and rudely) insist that they are ‘Army wives’ can’t even handle these simple types of things, that go along with being an actual Army wife. You’re just making yourself and your spouse look bad.
I just want to re-state, that I’m not posting this to be disrespectful. My Uncle served in the NH National Guard, and did a tour in Iraq. I’m so proud of him for it! He wore the uniform well, and with pride. He isn’t any less of a person because he wasn’t active duty for the 4 years that he served. Be proud of your spouses for what they do, no matter if they are a soldier, member of the Guard, lawyer, doctor, or burger flipper at McDonald’s. Spend less time trying to make yourself into something that you’re not, and more time respecting others for what they are. You’ll be a lot happier for it, I promise.
Funny how her last comment was
” Be proud of your spouses for what they do, no matter if they are a soldier, member of the Guard, lawyer, doctor, or burger flipper at McDonald’s. Spend less time trying to make yourself into something that you’re not, and more time respecting others for what they are”
Isnt that calling the pot black after that whole post???!!
i want to know what friggin’ century she thinks we are in. loved how you can only comment if you are a ‘team member’ of her blog. and her rules for being a proper military wife? i call bullsh*t.
I am appauled at this woman! As a “seasoned” Army wife of 16 years, my husband spent 7 years AD, 4 years AR, and now AGR( Active Guard Reserve) My husband spent more time deployed while he was AR than he ever was “regular AD”. This poor child is CLUELESS to her facts and all I can do is Pray that when/ if her AD husband gets deployed the NG/AR soldiers fighting next to him safely get him home. Who does she thinks will be fighting along side her husband? Who does she think gets called up first fo deployments? I could care less if those are her feelings she better quickly learn to keep them to herself or she will ALWAYS be isolated as a Spouse. There is no greater disservice to the sisterhood of Military Wives as a spouse who has no respect for our Husbands, no matter what branch of the service the serve! They all put their combat boots on one at a time!!!! She makes me just want to shake some sense into her!!!!! We currently live on a Coast Guard base, Army wives are so few and so far between here, so what am I supposed to do start bashing Coast Guard wives? No I embraced them, they embraced me, I joined their spouses club and have met some amazing women and familes and learned so much more about another branch of the Military than my Husbands. We are a Military community there is no my husbands branch or job is better than your husbands branch or job, we are not school kids on a playground! WE are GROWN A** women, mothers,sisters, daughters and friends who just so happen to be Military Wives and we need to embrace that FACT, not tear each other down.
I have to stop reading this now because it is only making me angry, did she really have the bal** to say to a NG wife your not an Army wife? Is she serious!!!!!!! I wish someone like her would have said something like that to me during one of my husbands deployments! She really has NO respect what so ever and I don’t even know what else to say except her “opinion” and outlook on Army Wives is truelly distorted! My AGR husband made me proud when he was considered “regular AD”, made me proud when he was Army Reserve, makes me prouder still now that he is Active Guard Reserve and will continue to make me proud after he retires! Because he does not define himself as a person serving in the Army he defines himself as a Proud Member of the Military serving next to other proud Members of the Military!! and it wasnt 4 years in between my husbands deployments as AR try more like 6 months!!! Miss want a be know it all!!!!!! Respect the Uniform really? Her ENTIRE blog is slapping every branch of the Military in the face!!! And to tell a NG Soldier they are not a Soldier???!!! Sweetheart, how about you lace up those combat boots, get on an aircraft carrier, be dropped in the middle of a war zone desert, come under enemy fire and tell me what you would say or do when you got home and some ignorant little cuss said you were not a Soldier????!!!!!
Ladies,
I would not want anyone to be so upset with NOT being able to respond to her as she blocked comments,that we develop PSTS ;) so why not just send her a message Via her FB page ;) here is her page
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002515023593
why the hell would you post this?? Her facebook is nobodies business.
She made it our business!!!
No she did not! I think that was going too far. Its one thing to comment on a blog she publicly posted but there is no reason to harass her on her facebook page!
I agree Amber and Amanda…Her FB page is her FB page…if you aren’t friends with her on fb and it isn’t her BLOG’s FB page it doesn’t need to be given out. Plus, command has already dealt with the situation. It is time for us to move on. She will no doubt be living with her bad choice for a long time now and her hubs gets to live with it in his career now.
“Part of YOUR job as a spouse, is to be a direct reflection of him. That means getting your facts straight, and getting educated.”–quote from her blog post
I think she has now been educated on how she just reflected for him and by his command chain not to mention thousands of public call outs that she has probably only seen a fraction of yet.
I understand you’re upset but this is going way too far!!!
Very well said! I’d be curious to know her feelings on coasties. (as a former coastie wife.) Are they not as much “military” because they defend our shores and don’t typically go over seas?!
I hope your post takes her out of her ignorant bliss, and helps her to see that she may want to incorporate her 1SG manners into her blog. (At least the part where she knows to keep her mouth shut.) (and, I won’t even go into all the things wrong with women thinking that they need to not have a voice just because they’re talking to someone of a higher “rank”.)
what i got from her comments on PTSD was that only active duty people get PTSD. i know an indiana guard unit thats lost a good handful of soldiers to suicide as a result of PTSD. and people not in the military can have PTSD- if youre abused or go through something traumatic in life. wow, what a dumb woman……..
I do NOT envy this couple the on-going shit-storm this is going to cause. I was sort of speechless after I read it. No bueno when your husband’s chain of command has to step in!!!
Diana….
I was thinking the same exact thing. And don’t you know our husbands love when that stuff happens. She’s going to be trying to clean this mess up for a while….
Brooke J.
I cannot believe what I just read. My husband deployed August of last year and just last week went back from his 2 week R&R. He is in the National Guard. I still wear Army wife stuff. I respect my husband to the fullest, but let me tell you I stand behind every man or woman over there. Army, National Guard, Marines, Navy. Whats the difference? My god people just don’t understand. I dont understand how you can be any different from National Guard from the Army. But I wish I could meet this woman. I am an Army wife and just like most a damn good one. I would like her to tell me any different. Oh and Im sure the people overseas would love to hear her.
There are differences between the Army and the Army National Guard, there’s no doubt there. What I can’t understand is why she has the need to put her and her husband on a pedestal so she looks better than the other wives. A Military spouse still worries just the same as another military spouse, still has to put up with the occasional bs just the same, and does her job as a WIFE just the same. An “AD Army Wife” is not really a title. We are Army wives despite our differences and disagreements. At the end of the day, we go to sleep with our husbands when we can because we all know there may be a deployment when we don’t get that luxary.
ACTUAL APOLOGY FROM HIS COMMAND…..
U.S. Army Recruiting Station Burlington, VT
In response to your concern, I would truly like to say this is not the command climate that we pursue nor agree with. We respect and honor all military personnel with whom we serve that has stood and swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. We are all brothers and sisters in arms. We believe that all are equal and all share the burden of defending the freedoms of the citizens of this country. The families of the defenders of freedom serve and sacrifice their lives in some ways more than those of us who wear the uniform. In response to this blog and this Soldier. You are correct about wives not being under the prevue of the command. I assure you that the Soldier in question is. There has been a face to face counseling session with this Soldier as to the responsibilities of the freedoms and rights that our Constitution has so given to this Nation. We apologize for the actions that one person has brought it up on himself, and we want to ensure you that this is NOT the actions or the climate of this command. Very Respectfully, ALLAN-JAY S. CATINDIG CAPTAIN, SIGNAL CORPS Company Commander, U.S. Army Recruiting Company Burlington, VT 100 Dorset Street, Suite 20A South Burlington, VT 05403 office: (802) 865-8392 fax: (802) 865-8394 cell: (888) 236-1236 email: allen.catindig@usarec.army.mil AKO: allan.catindig@us.army.mil V/R John P. Mainville SFC, USA Station Commander Burlington Recruiting Station 1944 Williston Road Ste 3 South Burlington, VT 05403 Cell: 1-877-205-7875 Text: 1-518-330-7116 Office: 802-862-6393 Fax: 802-862-6294 john.mainville@usarec.army.mil
Her entire outlook on it is completely wrong. What difference does it make if you are an Army wife, a Marine wife, an Airman wife…whatever type of military wife you are is just that. You are a military wife. And if she wants to say Army wife, whatever. The point is that we all are going through the same thing. I don’t ever want to say to another military wife that I know exactly what they are going through because I don’t. And they don’t know what I’m going through. We all miss our soldiers/airman/corps men/ guardsman…you get the point. I think her problem is that she doesn’t deal with military life on a daily basis because she’s not on a post and having to deal with it. What would even possess her to post something like this? I do know this….if she did have any type of support system before, it’s probably gone now.
Oh, and, if MY soldier ever read a post like that, he’d probably not be very happy. I hope she has fun…living in Vermont…..all by herself cuz no one wants to deal with her anymore.
I could not agree with you more!! My husband and I are at Bragg too! Can I shake your hand and buy you a drink?? haha
Whether or not people agree or disagree with her, I think the BIGGER problem is how she has been treated because of it. Yes, many of the things she said were offensive, but does that mean that we all need to stoop below her level and berate and belittle her for a difference of opinion?
It’s disgusting how everyone has been treating her. Act like adults and get over it. Right or wrong, she is a human being and she shouldn’t be treated so terribly. As everyone likes to point out, “we are all military spouses”, so treat her like one! If you disagree with someone, that’s fine. But it is HER blog and HER opinion. You can simply say “I disagree with you.” or say nothing at all! Do you realize how much attention and time you are giving her? Leave it alone. She is one, random person and her opinion isn’t going to change the world. Does it REALLY MATTER what she thinks? Really?
The only issue was she represented ALL National Guard wives in a poor and terrible light. She pretty much considered all National Guard wives trash but saying how classy we all aren’t. She then went on to speak very condescendingly.
Sure it’s HER blog, but it was also PUBLICLY written. Therefore, any backlash she gets or her husband, is her own fault and her own doing. NOT ours.
THAT is the big picture.
And quite frankly, the only “attention” she is getting is from CPT Allan-Jay S. Catindig of the VTARNG. He already responded publicly about her post saying she and her husband have been spoken to and he will be reprimanded. It seems our work here is done, ladies.
wow…obviously this brings happiness…
The big picture is that most everyone who has made comments about her post are vicious and mean, which makes them no better then she is. If you don’t like her blog post, don’t follow her blog. Her husband’s command took care of it, which is no business of anyone’s. Be respectful or don’t say anything at all. We aren’t children so we shouldn’t be acting like it.
Please Amanda tell your story too…Edward Matayka United States Vermont Army National Guard Soldier who lost both of his legs in Afghanistan, or his wife Karen whom had to woken from her bunk and told of this news as she was serving with him….Or the family and fellow Soldiers of United States Vermont Army National Guard Soldier whom was KIA, to name just a few of our Green Mountain Boys and Girls who are directly affected by her statements!….seriously my sympathys are with them NOT her!….
KIA was Ryan Grady….Seriously Amanda your fighting a losing battle…I promise you will not win this one simply bring yourself down with her!@!!!!
Please, don’t dishonor those soldier’s sacrifices by bringing them into an argument over some inconsequential blog post by an inconsequential woman. What she said was awful and how people are reacting to it is awful. It all needs to stop. All this attention her blog is getting needs to end.
WOW. Just wow. What an ignorant little twit. She graduated high school in 2008 according to her FB page, so she’s all of 22 years old. It scares me to think that she actually writes a blog about military life that people FOLLOW. I spent 4 years in the Marine Corps during the first Iraq war and I’m now married to a soldier who has been deployed every single year since 2007. My brother is Army active duty and his wife is National Guard. Military is military, everyone takes the SAME oath, to uphold the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. I would really like to smack the smugness off her face that I can just feel with every word of that blog post. I’d really like for them to get stationed here at Ft. Bragg. Then she would see what a little fish she really is in this big old military pond.
Oh don’t worry he’s Airborne and was in the 82nd prior to recruiting duty (and her knowing him). Rest assured they will be back in the “black whole” of division once his recruiting stint is done and she’ll get properly introduced to “Army Wife” life. ;)
Wow. Just wow. I’ve met some ignorant and spoiled military spouses in my short tenure as an Army wife but this is…wow. She definitely got schooled in “respect” and I hope she learned something from all of this backlash. For the command to have to step in and address a spouse’s actions AND post an apology is quite serious. She may have thought she was putting her “best foot forward” but she stepped on EVERYONE’s toes. I hope her husband’s career is not over before it even begins as a result of her careless, ignorant and callous comments. Many a soldier’s career has suffered at the hands of their spouse. Sad.
She shouldn’t have even opened her mouth, she obviously didn’t do research besides dressing hopefully respectably and doing what is proper when it comes to speaking to a 1sgt. I’m prior military and this bothers me. No one period is more special then another military wise wife or husband or service member. My husband has been on 5 deployments in 12 years and I’d never think to come out of the side of my neck and say something as dumb as that. She needs to mature period, I’m glad someone took the time to school her to Military life. But it’s going to take her a long time to comprehend it all. #dotheReasearchb4yourRunURmouth.
So my hubby just retired after 20+ years active service. 13 years in the Marines and the last 8 in the ARMY National Guard as an AGR soldier. He had back to back deployments, trainings, meetings and numerous other types of service that kept him away from home for weeks and months on end. I was right there with him in the silent ranks of the Army wife. I dont think one has the right to make any assumptions on which wives of which service are or are not wives.
So she “thinks” that I am not an ARMY wife because my hubs was ANG for the last 8 years??? Seriously let her spend a little time in my shoes….
18 years of service , 4 deployments, severe PTSD, many aches and surgery etc..etc… This whole army wife bit is so ugh…I can’t even find the words…but what I do not understand is why, did so many people take it to heart… It was her opinion. ..THAT IS ALL..she did not kill, she did not murder, and she did not steal…what is the crime? ..Her husband coming to her defense…HELLO.. I know my husband would have done the same for me….why is that such a crime…at no time did he point out any specific named individual…Come on!! Really….If this is how she feels then so be it…all these people who made it known to the higher ranks are no better …..for his superiors to even get involved in this…amazes me….For all those HARD CORE ARMY WIVES WHO SEEM TO THINK THAT THE “ARMY WIFE” BUMPER CAR STICKER defines who u are….really should take some time and check around them…There is no one giving education, food, money, roof, for giving urself the title of an :ARMY WIFE..In my case
the army does not define…My boys, hubs, love for country, many kisses and hugs and my own self respect makes this women A SOLDIERS LOVE AND PARTNER NOT THE ARMY’S. May she and her husband feel better and may we choose the battles we fight I am sure my husband would not go to battle for THIS…..Wow…honestly…I believe a soldier is a soldier regardless in which branch he is……I disagree there..but not because of that am I going to bring all hell down…seriously ladies for those of u who went and had ur tantrums with superiors…..watch out…today u made it happen on both them people well …2morrow it can be you….what goes around comes around…
REALLY?
It’s a sisterhood DiGu…
We stick together through thick and thin. You can call one of us out all day everyday, but to call out an organization as a WHOLE?! Completely undeserving. She got what she deserved and so did her husband.
We chose our battles yes, and won.
And I believe you meant to say you agree..that a soldier is a soldier regardless, not disagree?
Any husband in the right mind would tell his wife to make the post private knowledge to those close to them..not public..because it can and obviously DID get back to him. I’d be lecturing my newbie wife right about now. I cannot even feel sorry for her ignorance because her all knowing GOD-like attitude was too much for me to even comprehend.
As I said, she chose to make it public. She chose to have others see it. She chose her consequences when posting it.
We chose to read it, we chose to comment, we chose to create an uproar. We CHOSE to stick together and defend one another. Nothing but admiration for these women who CHOSE to defend one another.
As I said before….If it makes u happy and u feel u have made
a change in this world ..I really am happy for you….But this sisterhood…nah…
I stand on my own 2 feet so that 2morrow no one comes and drops me on my A%^&.
Don’t get me wrong…I am not judging ur happiness over what has happened…What many have done …has made no difference…because there r many out there who probably think the same…so what has changed? ONLY THESE 2 YOUNGSTERS LIFE THAT IS ALL…But I guess they got what they deserved huh?…well I do not think so…but this is just my opinion…
I think it’s funny how she has gotten her husband in trouble. She has Aldo taken all her pictures down sinc in the pic she was making herself look like a hypocrite.
I am embarrassed. I do not think the young (and let’s not forget, ladies, that she is young and very pregnant) lady was wrong in writing her opinion regardless of what the opinion happened to be. I do, however, think the lame attempts-or really successful attempts- to get her in “trouble” is a testament to all the typical stereotypes passed around throughout the military. We should be ashamed of ourselves but, instead, we are sharing all over Facebook how we got her good. This is sad, very sad.
No, what is sad is that she made those sacrifices of others…nothing. Those who have died..those who have suffered immensely, those with any form of PTSD..publicly shamed.
It’s not how she did it..it’s THAT she did it..publicly for strangers and the WORLD alike to see.
Those who have nothing to do with the military will continue to read and see the slander she posts about us.
You go ahead and defend her. It’s clear that those superiors agree with the rest of us though. So yea, I’d say we have the right people on our side…a few less won’t hurt.
She deserved to be reprimanded, for her husbands career sake. She needed a good dose of reality for what it’s really like to mess with military women and those they love and support to the death. Hopefully, she will know better next time..the next time she is at a n active duty post. I think she would prefer to be yelled at via FB than via a whole community of people actually in her face.
At least she can cower behind a screen. In person, she wouldn’t be so lucky.
Crystal, how can you imply that their sacrifices were so meaningless that one person’s opinion makes it nothing?!? That is insane. Their sacrifices should never be belittled in that way. No one can make their sacrifice meaningless. No one. They did the most that anyone can do for this world. And no one can take that away.
as I posted on the Offical post from he “HUBS” command….It is NOT a matter of “getting her good” its a matter of letting those she hurt know that there were reprocussions for her and her husbands actions…period!… Defend her all you want it’s right…but Don’t continue to bash our right to let the world know they were repremanded for the actions which caused this whole uproar!
I totally agree with you Monique. It’s petty.
Oh Geeze! I have a feeling that this chick is one of those people who insist that their husband’s rank is theirs, and act like they have the authority that comes with it, and live vicariously through their husbands. The same people who look down on spouses of soldiers of lower rank and act like superior know-it-alls. You all know the type of people I’m talking about. Its people like her who the rest of us try to avoid, so they don’t go to things like FRG meetings and therefore don’t get the help and support they need. Hopefully she will wise up soon, in the mean time she should be ashamed of herself and stop talking.
So if my fiance isn’t a ARMY soldier than why does it say U.S. ARMY on his uniform!(:
First let me say I’m not an Army wife, but I was in the army for 4 years and 7 months. I did my first year as a reservist. Yeah when I went active I got all the “welcome to the real army” jokes. Still that doesn’t mean the NG or Reserves are less than soldiers. We all wore the same uniform, same rank, and had the same training. I give you ladies (and men for you army hubbies) major props for the drama and bull you deal with. It takes a special woman to love a service member! I don’t think I could do it, and I’m a veteran.
Second of all, the jokes made about reservists and NG troops not being “real army” is a joke that is supposed to be for soldiers only. It’s one of our ways of just having fun and it is just that a JOKE! Its like how the Marine’s talk bad anout other branches, or how the army calls the Airforce chairforce. It’s humor that is reserved for the military members. Because when it comes down to it, everyone sheds the same blood and cries the same tears! Don’t let this stuck up woman bring you ladies down! I know you are the toughest people on the planet! Stay strong ladies!
Just so y’all get to see this…
http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150534107058247&id=190005468246
That is the VT Army Recruiter public response to this situation. Enjoy. Oh, and if you’re anything like me, the two day response time should make you stop and think DANG! Note to self: Public bashing blogs are a bad idea ;)
wow!! how stupid was that! Apperantly she has not been taught how to respect others. It should not matter what rank or unit the spouce is, she apperantly likes to wear his, to even judge someone. She said she waits for permission to talk. She should have asked permission to say what was she did before putting her big foot in her mouth. Not only has she insulted the military and their spouces but she had just made a mochary of everything our spouces fight for. It is ashame that spouces like her make the ones that are really trying feel embarresed. I hope next time she feels like writing and judging someone she will have a brain and really think about it before its written down
I thank you for bringing this to our attention. I guess I’m kind of late. But I wanted to say it happens all the time. One day I was on base, in uniform performing drill that I had missed that weekend. My superiors suggested that I enroll in the free leadership classes on post. It was only allowed for Active Duty and GS civilians. The representative quoted in an office full of people, “You’re not a real Soldier, you’re just a Reservist. You can not enroll in this class”. Before I could say anything all the other Soldiers went off. They stated I wore the uniform just like them and would be killed on the battlefield regardless of which branch I was affiliated with. So the ideology that Active Duty do not like or respect Reservist or Guard members is ridiculous. The craziest thing about it was that her supervisor, stood in agreement with her. He called to state the same. Enraged, at this point, I contacted our Congressman. Two weeks later I got a call from him and an apology. When I went to drop off my paperwork, she no longer worked at the office.
Gina I am so sorry that happened to you. That comment literally just made me want to cry for you . The ignorance and insensitivity of some people just truly baffles me! Thank you for doing what you do.
This makes me sick! We have been in the army for a Long time and it REALLY makes me sick that this one spouse believes all of that! Number 1, the “upper ranking soldiers” have more class than that! Number 2, I would REALLY like to meet this woman and give her a piece of my mind! Number 3, this is the type of woman that gives military spouses a bad name! She is probably cheating on her husband too when he’s deployed~! I have more members than just my husband in the military and more than just army and I have respect for any soldier regardless of rank or branch!
Well said! I have been deciding if I wanted to make a small post in regards to this as well. Yes maybe many are playing into her game by responding, but on the other hand it has really upset many and other points of views and opinions on this need to be heard! Again loved your response as I have been both Guard and Active, and Active yet again! I consider myself and army wife all the way!
This blog is so ironic to me. While my NG husband is away at WLC for the army, some closed minded AD female solider has the nerve to tell my husband that his uniform should say National Guard instead of the Army. My husband and the rest of the NG people with him set this girl straight that regardless of what part of the Army you are in, it is still the ARMY. People are so close minded, it is just ridiculous.
She kept harping on the “2 weeks a month, 1 weekend a year” thing. That is the bare minimum of their commitment. Unfortunately, she is not the only wife (or civilian for that matter) that thinks that way. I have dealt with it a lot and it just makes me want to rip my hair out. Another one of her statements that really hit a nerve was when she said that Guard soldiers just go back to their civilian life following deployment. However, with the economy the way it is, sometimes soldiers come back to find that the business has gone under. There are also a lot of employers who fail to understand USERRA. It’s not like everything just magically falls back into place. I also found it absolutely ridiculous that she was harping on the way spouses dress and do not respect the uniform, when she had a maternity pic up on the blog (which has since been removed) wearing her husband’s uniform. :facepalm: I have come across a lot of ignorant and naive wives in my time, but I have never seen someone so vocal and unapologetic in my life.
Wow! Thank you for writing this! As a National Guard wife myself (who’s license plate says ArmyWife) I couldn’t have said it better! Ignorance is bliss!
I am so happy you wrote this! I just was dealing with an ignorant brand new army wife who was telling others that my husband wasn’t a real soldier and even was saying because he is national guard, didn’t have to go to BCT OR AIT!!! I don’t understand how fellow army wives can be so disowning to others. It’s sickening. ESPEICALLY when they have no true knowledge. I again, will say that I am so happy you posted this. I had just written a blog post about how all soldiers are equal!
Your welcome! Your husband serves and wears the uniform just like the next soldier :)