The more I watch online military groups and Facebook pages, the more I am convinced that some military spouses want certain topics censored. In other words if it relates to military spouses or if it’s a challenging topic posted by a military spouse then it shouldn’t be discussed according to some. We’re always told that two topics to avoid discussing (because they are touchy) are politics and religion. These days I barely want to tell anyone I let my kids eat McDonald’s on the rare occasion.
Here are 5 topics that you dare not bring up on a military spouse “support” page.
Don’t ever share that you (the spouse) aren’t happy in your military marriage or that you’re having a human moment. “He’s serving our country for pete’s sake, so how could you not be happy with him”?
Don’t ask what day we get paid because maybe there was a holiday and the dates are off. This might get you called a typical “dependa” who is trying to steal her spouse’s paycheck. Never mind that you might just be trying to make sure you pay bills on time, send a care package , or take care of your family’s finances. You know those responsible things that spouses have to do?
I agree! The truth is nobody cares what your spouse’s rank is.
The TV Show Army Wives (Or Any Show)
Until this day I’m a huge fan of the now cancelled Lifetime series “Army Wives”. “Army Wives” helped me get through an entire deployment and I even got to interview some of the cast back in 2013. However the last thing you want to do in a group of military spouses is dare to make a comparison that this show could remotely relate to military life. You will be chewed, gnarled , and spit out like a cheap piece of 5¢ gum those loses it’s flavor in under a minute. I guess this is because military wives don’t fight, we don’t argue , we don’t have marriage problems, and we don’t go through deployments. Doctors however do everything you see in Grey’s Anatomy and detectives do everything you see in Law & Order.
Admit That You Make Mistakes As a Mom
Because we are all perfect moms and we should never make mistakes.
Share topics that you notice are becoming taboo in military spouse support communities?
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I also cringe when the topic of pictures of spouses in uniforms or wrapped in the american flag comes up… awkward…
I feel if you bring up any topic the bully doesn’t want to talk about you get cornered by all her little friends. If you bring up the topic another day and she is okay with you can have a great conversation. It honestly depends on all the girls moods that day which is sadly the reason I try to stay out of our “support groups.”
Yes this is totally true! I also had an experience where everyone jumped down my throat when I asked a very legitimate question about deployment. I was even careful to qualify what I said with some self deprecation in hopes of avoiding that sort of treatment. I ended up leaving the online FRG group (my only link to the other spouses, because I live hundreds of miles away from them) because of that treatment, mean words when they knew nothing about my personal situation. So unfortunately my husband will be missing out on some of the programs they offer, but I think sometimes you have to do something about this sort of action, even if it means leaving the situation. So thank you for calling attention to this online bullying!
Lately one of the pages I’m apart of has been really mean to anyone who asks a question that can be found online. There are always 2-3 snide comments about how lazy the post is or if their Google is broken. Even for opinion stuff like a good dentist or hair stylist, you get the comment about how this question was already answered many times including last week. So I guess asking for help because you just moved is off limits here, who knew that was possible in a military community.
Its really sad that military spouses treat others like that.