We all love a good confession, and you’ve probably heard some of these before. Maybe it was over coffee, during a playdate, or at a wine night. I anonymously asked military wives across different branches what they could tell me but not tell their husbands. Here’s what they shared.


  • “When he’s gone, it’s so much easier! Although I miss him, there is less laundry, cooking, cleaning and I can run the house exactly as I want. I would never tell him that though.”
  • “Disclaimer: I am attracted to my husband! With that said, sometimes I see my friends’ husbands in uniform and think they also look pretty hot.”
  • “I’m going to say it. Some days I get frustrated and want to punch the Army in the face.”
  • “Although I am proud of him, I barely know (or care to know) anything about the military. I don’t know rank for example, but that’s his thing not mine. I feel okay letting him handle that.”
  • “Even though he talks about being sooooo ready to get out, the idea really freaks me out. We have such a stable situation at the moment, you know?”
  • “I want him to know that even though he works hard all day, I do too. I take care of our kids, take care of the house, and am working on my degree. I just want him to understand that even though I don’t get a paycheck, I work hard too.”
  • “I know he does it to unwind, but I don’t understand how he can do military things all day and then come home and play first person shooter games. They drive me crazy!”
  • “Had I thought about it when we went to the Navy recruiter, I would have suggested a different branch of service. Why? He’s on a boat all the time and away from us. Hindsight, right?”
  • “Mine is in a non-deploying unit, which I love, but he doesn’t. I don’t understand why he is so butt hurt about staying safe and sound at home. He feels like he’s missing out on something by having to stay here, and I just don’t get it. I’d rather him be with family and not in the way of danger. I try to relate to him but can’t.”
  • “Sometimes when he is away for training or deployment, I sneak a cigarette or two. Shh!”
  • “When he takes leave just to sit around the house, sleep in, or game, I wish he would do something else. The kids are confused and act wild when daddy is home but ‘not really.’ I think we’ll plan a family vacation next time.”
  • “He’s deployed and I am so scared that I won’t need him when he comes home because I am so used to handling everything myself. I’m nervous, and hope I can find something he can take care of. Well…there is that one thing…wink!”
  • “I could never do what he does. For that, I am grateful because he works in conditions that I never would. In all honesty, I am happy it’s him and not me. Well, I guess I can tell him that! Ha!”

Keep Quiet or Communicate?

Can you relate to any of these? If so, consider yourself part of a community! Also, decide what you can talk to your spouse about. Minor situations can be addressed for an improved relationship and home life. 

Even with the frustrations of being married to the military, most of us still love the lifestyle, although we need to vent from time to time. I thank the spouses who opened up to me for this piece and wish all of us the best in this very unique adventure.


Jackie Toops Head ShotA self-described “Jackie of All Trades,” Army wife Jackie Toops is a mother of two and enjoys writing, travel, art, languages, slow cooking and peaceful parenting. She studied Interdisciplinary Humanities, Museum Studies and Nonprofit Management, and has overseen public relations for museums, galleries and universities. She is a contributing author for Wall Street International Magazine and has discussed her articles on-air with AFN Wiesbaden. She’s usually seen adventuring with her Canon, a coffee and two small children. Follow her on Twitter. 



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