Let me just say if you’re going to be a blogger I must tell you once again that you need to have tough skin. As a military spouse the attacks are even more and they are not just on me but the entire community. This is why I am always so confused when us military wives get all up in arms about being stereotyped? It’s some of us who are creating those perceptions of us.
Anyway for all the times I have told you I get attacked there are plenty of times that I haven’t mentioned it. However yesterday I was quite bewildered that some no life people would come after me for a post that I did 2 years ago and quite frankly wasn’t even that serious to post. I’d like to say thanks for tripling my stats though, since I was quite worried about them because I hadn’t wrote in a few days lol!
Here’s a little more from me on why you should look me up before you call me a dependa!
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Army Wife 101
Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market. She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries.
Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market.
She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries. 9 Comments on It’s 2014 And You’re Still Calling Me A Dependapotamus…Really?
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“Let me school you…”
Krystel, I loved you before- but I love you more than EVER now. <3 <3 <3
Right on!
I’ve been a navy wife for going on four years now, and was a navy brat (my dad was in the service 25 years–as long as I’ve been alive) so I know all about the military wife stereotype.
I’ve been called a dependa before, because I had my gallbladder removed and after my surgery (long story short, I had complications in my bile duct) and I’d gained a lot of weight from the medicine and the bed rest. I feel bad for the moms too. Don’t most women gain weight after having kids? And yet automatically, fat + no job + military wife = dependa. So ignorant.
Also, people seem to forget how difficult it can be for wives to get good jobs while their husband is in the service, what with the constant moving (and sometimes to other countries and small bases where jobs are so scarce, especially with hiring freezes). I worked when I still lived in the U.S., but now that I live in Japan, I had the option of commuting for 3-4 hours a day to work at a fast food restaurant on base or stay home. I chose to stay home because working would mean me having to buy my own car, and paying $8 USD/gallon (plus insurance) and probably not making a lot of money. Many wives have to put not only their careers, but their educations on hold too, which also makes it harder to get going later on in life. Do these people know how expensive it is to go to do long distance education online? Of course not.
As for “lazy”? You’re right, lazy people can be found in civilian life too. I don’t think all military wives are lazy. Stressed and exhausted from deployments and general military life, yes. Every military wife I know (myself included) is working on themselves in some way, whether it’s school- or home-related. My sister-in-law is working on her PhD, my close friend is going to the gym everyday and trying to eat/cook healthier for her family, and I’m working on a book until we recover from moving expenses so I can go to school on-line.
Anyway, you are absolutely right. (Phew, my response is a wall of text!) People should do their research before jumping to conclusions or judging others, if they must judge others.
YESSSS! GET YOUR LIFE! tell them Crystal. They are the ones that are sitting at home doing nothing. Before I became an army wife I made more then my husband and he wanted me to be able to JUST go to school so I don’t work anymore and I am getting my degree and guess what when I am done I will be the one with the big bucks. No one is better then any one else but I do know I don’t just stay home and do nothing. Tell them what you do honey. Nothing but the truth and don’t worry about if you got haters because more then likely they hating because THEY are the ones that sit at home eating all damn day.
You said it perfectly! One thing I’ve learned over the last 17 years of being an Army wife is that we’ll always deal with judgmental people. I can guarantee that those who say “dependa” behind the computer screen would never have the guts to say it to anyone’s face.
The word itself is so utterly stupid, but the meaning behind it, is so degrading and just ugly. Stay at home mom’s and house wives have existed since the beginning of times and I wonder if all these “experts” on dependa’s, think that they are experts on everyone else’s families. I guess they’ve determined home others should school their children (we’re a homeschooling family), ultimately how I should be raising my children, and being a wife to my husband. Funny thing is, last I checked I’m the only woman my husband has ever said vows to and signed a marriage license with. His pay check that he gets from the Army, pays OUR bills, and provides for our needs, last I checked they sure as hell weren’t paying and providing for those things.
It’s time for them to shut the hell up. They are obviously miserable and very unhappy people. Unhappy people try to tear others down to make them as miserable and unhappy as they are. I’d say they need to work on their own marriage and home before telling others how to live. My other guess is that they’re jealous. Jealous that their husbands don’t support their desire to stay home and raise their children and take care of their home.
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Dependa as I’ve known it, has always been a bad thing. People assuming that I am marrying my fiancé just to sit on my bum all day and depend on him financially.
I am a very strong believer in a 50/50 relationship and or marriage. This goes for everything, effort, money, support, you name it. I feel like both parties should work together equally and try to do better for them as a whole. With that said, I refuse to depend solely on my husband. I am my own person and I have career dreams of my own I would like to fulfill. However, I would take time off from work to raise kids!
So in that tense I will NOT be a dependa.
BUT, aren’t we all dependas? Its really about how you look at it. I depend on my fiancé for love and support, which goes both ways. I depend on my fiancé to reassure me he will come home to me, that the deployments will not change how he feels, reassuring me that no matter the distance we will be okay. So yes, I am a dependa but, for the right reasons.
I just stumbled upon your blog, this post in particular, and just wanted to say that I love love love everything you have to share! Seriously, the realest blogger out! Thank you, a million times over, from a fellow Army wife who is through and over these hokey stigmas!