Everyday I receive several emails from wives…lately I have received many from wives who are basically not being taken care of by their spouse , left with no money and not aware of what they are entitled to as spouses and moms. I figured it was time for me to share my take on this common situation. Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions here in the comments section below:



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14 Comments on Don’t Get Left In The Cold Or The Dark…A Message to Army Wives!

  1. Wow yes the wives need to take a way more active role in their lives. Find an experienced wife to give you the low down! Hubby’s need to stop being A-holes. Why did you marry this woman, didn’t you love her, don’t you still? Were your vows just words! Grow the hell up!

  2. I agree with you 100 percent. I have had a fellow (former) Army Wife have this happen to them. He was sent tot Germany as his duty station, said he was trying to get them over there but was not. He was in training to go to Iraq. Come to find out he was spending all their money on just crap, had no housing and had been getting prostitutes. He would give her money but only like 200 a month. He had gotten a German account and was putting all money there. When she called me she was in a HOMELESS SHELTER with their two boys. Bc she had no money to pay bills, she had quite her job bc he said he was almost ready for them to come over. So yes this happens. Best thing to do is know your rights. If you dont know them go to JAG! They will help you. And as army wife 101 said go to his chain of command. This particular soldier had to pay the army back all the money he had spent on himself instead of the wife and kids. And then every check he got before his discharge took place went entirely to her. Dont let anything like this happen to you. Take charge. You are entitled to be by his side while he out processes. I went with mine everywhere. Finance, Travel, Everything. You are strong independent women. Take that and go with it.

  3. I’ve seen this stuff happen! It’s insane! A lot of times this stuff happens because there is a lack of respect (for lack of a better term) in the marriage! Unfortunately, a lot of Soldiers only tell their Families ‘what they think the Family should know’. This is one of my BIGGEST reasons for being involved in FRG…because a GOOD FRG and TAFP at the unit level will have the education briefings and discussions in place (reading an LES, benefits and entitlements, POAs and responsibilities, what documents you -as a Spouse or acting Family member- SHOULD be reviewing every month…read:Battle Book etc)…and not just for the Spouses, but for the Parents, fiances, girlfriends, etc! It’s not only the Soldier’s responsibility, but the responsibility of command to make sure that’s happening!

    And a Soldier who says “well I’m deployed and I can still take care of it” is probably wrong (I’ve seen more than my share of that!). As a Soldier, your job in a combat zone is mission! Your personal affairs might not even be accessible. While internet is GREAT, the Army is NOT required to provide it…so you might not have it downrange to manage your affairs! Just let some one else handle it while you are downrange…just make sure it’s someone you trust. (And if you don’t trust your Spouse, there are more issues at hand than your personal affairs…you probably need to take care of that before you deploy!)

    Any Soldier in dwell time that cannot “trust” their Spouse or is hiding their personal affairs from Family (yes, even those single Soldiers should keep their Family in the loop during dwell. Nothing more frustrating than having a binder handed to you during block leave before deployment and you know nothing about what’s going on!) probably should be re-evaluating their choices and/or Family situation anyway. It’s in the Army Values, folks…honesty and integrity. Learn it. Live it.

    In all honesty, leaving a Family (Spouse & Kids) without money is neglect! …and in some cases abuse! Victim Advocacy is there…you ARE so right! And to be truthful, any POC or other FRG member (or friend or neighbor or whomever) who knows this is happening to a Family has a responsibility to ‘put a bug’ in the CO’s ear about it. This kind of stuff falls under duty to warn…as you are doing harm to someone.

    All that being said…I have been personally involved with a Spouse who was not honest about what was going on. She said he wasn’t giving her money for food or housing. She said she was homeless and hungry. The command did have to get JAG involved…and then it all came out. It wasn’t pretty.

    Money and benefits are sticky. There are personal choices and situations involved. As fellow Spouses, friends, Family, volunteers…whatever!…we don’t want to see these things happen. Although it is the responsibility of the Soldier to provide information, sometimes it becomes the responsibility of the community (neighbors, friends, etc) to educate. Push those classes! AFTB is available on line and in person…make sure all the newbies get there! At least to level 1. And then, push the responsibility of being in the know about what’s really going on and being a responsible Spouse and doing the right thing.

    After all, we’re all in this together!

  4. Yes, spouses need to take a more active role in the family finances. I know Guard spouses who don’t even know their husbands get paid for drill. The husbands put that pay away for their play money. The husbands tell them it’s volunteer work – yeah right.

  5. Vicki I soooo agree.
    Devin That is freaking awful , I can’t believe he would do that while your wife in kids are in a homeless shelter, some people are just heartless.
    Amanda you gotta be kidding me volunteer work and there are wives who believe that wow !

    Thanks for visiting ladies!

  6. Ladies! take control if youre in this situation. The military is giving your husband money to support you and the kids! If he is not using that money for that purpose you need to stand up for yourself. Consider too that the issues in your marriage run deeper than finaces if your husband is withholding information or access to things you need.

  7. I have found out about other women on TWO occasions… 1st was an Iraqi girl working as acontractor when he was on a15 mo. tour a few years ago, we got counseling and over same that then just recently i found out he was “friends” with a girl who is a spc. is his unit ( ok.national guard) she sent me the most hateful, disrespectful, and heartless emails which i printed and forwarded to the atty. general and to jag! I can only hope she will be articled 15’ed and as for my husband…we have 2 boys, i love him and he claims “just friends” BUT it was behind my back. We are going to copunseling and life group through church and he is ets’ing ( getting out) b/c he was threatened with demotion! =[ And i am pretty up to date w/ what I am entitled to. Thank you for letting me vent and for all of your informative posts! :0)

  8. I know exactly how those army wives feel! My husband will not give me any money. I would go to the resources to find out info, but I live in a different state than him while I finish up college. He says “I’ll help you out when you get a job” I don’t have the money for food/gas/my bills NOTHING because he told me to quit my job and go to school. So what did I do? Quit my job and go to school. I’m failing school because I have to scrape up quarters dimes and nickles just to get to school and if i’m lucky something to eat too.. I make it to school maybe once every two weeks.. I had to move back in with my parents and they are trying to help me as much as they can, but they aren’t the most wealthiest people on earth. He has no idea how close I am to leaving him because he’s so stubborn and stuck on himself to even care about me doing without. One night last week I had to stay the night in my car because if I drove home I wouldn’t have enough gas for to come back to school the next night. It was horrible!

  9. I know! I was shocked when my husband told me he had soldiers who had wives that had no idea they were getting paid for drill. Appalled may be a better word. I’m not sure what they told their wives while they were deployed. Maybe put what they usually make into their bank account, and then kept the rest? I don’t know. I handle our finances because my husband is the one who’s gone all the time. He asks me what’s going on with our accounts LOL.

  10. Krystel, This is so on point it’s not even funny.

    I refuse to not know how many pennies (yes, I said pennies) are coming into and going out of my house. My husband doesn’t even remember our account information. I can’t believe some wives are so naive as to what’s going on with the finances. When my husband was NG, I knew exactly what I was entitled to. It amazes me that their are some older than me (I’m 23) who have no clue what to do when a situation like this arises.

  11. My exhusband, whom was my husband at the time, and i were NG then he went active to Bragg. We were there maybe 6 months and i was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating. the girl kept calling the house and hanging up, txting him late in the night, and he would go running late at night(uh huh). The money was gone and he wouldnt give me any food or money to get food. He took my car and drove it himself and took my phone cause his got turned off. I never lived an extravagant life so the money wasnt being used by me. I didnt even have atm card, he did. On top of it all he beat me. The final stand was the day he punched me and I was 7 months pregnant and called the mp’s on him and he was detained. He had left checks at the house so I went to the px, the gas stations, any store on post and pulled out on checks as much money as I could, packed up myself and some belongings and left for my parents. I got back on my feet slowly but my baby was worth it. Now im remarried after years of afraid to fall in love. I joined the army to support my daughter and now have great life and wont let this happen again. Get access to everything. Watch out for yourself and kids.

  12. I live apart from my husband because we could not afford for me to quit my job. I know that it is hard to be married to someone and live apart but he is stationed here in California so we see each other when he gets his four day every month. I recently gave birth to my daughter 3 months ago, and things have gone down hill sense the day I stated that I was pregnant. I’m not trying to put my business out there but we have not been intimate during and after my pregnancy. I have been upset with him because he had 30 days vacation and I felt like he could have been there for the birth of our daughter especially seeing that this is his first child, when his First Sgt. told him that he could not come in time for the birth I got really upset with him because I felt like it was no excuse for him not to be here, he is stationed right here in California and it wasn’t like he was overseas. I felt like he didn’t even try to be there for the birth he showed up 2hrs after the birth and did not bring anything for his unborn child; I felt like this should have been a joyous occassion. He was given a week of paternity leave and ended up leaving the next day because I felt like he was just here to be on vacation, he did not offer to help me with the baby the first night I brought her home when she woke he stayed asleep I just really fet like he was not contributing towards helping me with her like a real father should. He has been here sense her birth but you would think that he would come with something in hand for her, during my pregnancy I was the one who put her swing together and put her stroller together he has not offered to lift not one finger. He constantly complains about helping out over here now mind you he stays in barracks rent free with permission from housing and his food allowance comes out of his check, every time I have to pay a bill or need something for baby I feel like I’m asking for a loan from a bank. He has recently called me to tell me that his contract is up and that he is reenlisting for Germany well of course I’m not happy with that decision because he’s gonna now miss her first birthday, and it’s not like I can just up and quit my job and go with him seeing how he acts with the money now. I asked him are you going to still be able to contribute over here with you being so far away? and he stated to me that he would actually get more help and that he would still be able to help out here. When I asked him about the amount of BAH they give him for his family he shuts me down or beats around the bush but never really tell me about the amount other then its gonna be enough don’t worry. Ladies are you thinking what I’m thinking? exactly he’s trying to hold back on the amount he gets because he wants to go and frivously spend money on his self. I’ve never been married to anyone in the military so I don’t know what to do; I’ve thought of maybe divorcing him seeing that the intimacy is gone not from me from him. I don’t know how to go about finding out about my rights without involving his First Sgt. or Commander I’m scared that he is going to leave town and not help and we have acquired things together sense the marriage and I don’t want to be left holding the bag. If there is any information that someone can give me about how to go about finding out my rights please let me know.

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