When hubby deployed, it was of course hard and I had a butt load of emotions floating through me. As I got further into the deployment I naturally had no choice but to find ways to keep myself busy but then I started feeling guilty that the things I was able to enjoy …hubby couldn’t.

To some these things may seem petty, but to me my heart would literally break when I thought about all the things he was lacking over there while I was living it up over here.

1. Venturing To New Places

We were lucky enough to get stationed in two of the most beautifulest places I have ever lived. They were Savannah, Georgia and Oahu, Hawaii. At both of those duty stations we had only been there a few months before he had to deploy. We love architecture and history so you can only imagine how much it hurt me to visit so many new incredible places without him. I know he didn’t mind and that he wanted me to get out of the house, but I felt so bad that I was able to see all these cool things and he was sitting in hot ass Iraq.

2. Cooking Homemade Meals and Eating Out

My hubby complained a lot about the food there lacking seasoning and flat out tasting awful. Because we are self proclaimed  “foodies” we loved exploring new eateries together and this was something I did a lot by myself when he was deployed. I wouldn’t feel bad when I was indulging in the delectable goodness of some of those foods but I sure did feel bad when I got home. The worst part would be when I would cook his favorite homemade meals or post pictures of a new dish I made, and he would comment “looks good babe” or man sure wish I was home to try that”. Ugh he knew how to pull at a chick’s heart strings!

3. Going Home On Leave and Having Family Visit

Of course I couldn’t just sit home the whole time he was deployed, so naturally I would go home and visit family. Again I hated the fact that I was having fun and seeing his family and mine but he couldn’t.

4. Having To Tell Him A Family Member Passed

I will never forget having to tell my hubby that his only aunt and the only other woman he considered an aunt had both passed away. He was very close to them and could not come to the states for their funerals. He never even got to say goodbye or pay his respects.

5. Getting To Spend The Holidays With Kids and Family

Although I know my husband wouldn’t want me to feel guilty about doing something that was out of my control as a wife and a mom it made me feel so guilty to create these memories and know that he wasn’t getting to do the same. I hated imagining him just hanging in his room on those special holidays alone.

6. Being Alone

The last thing that really bothered me is that at times I really enjoyed my me time and being alone. Of course I loved my husband and I missed him so much but I almost enjoyed in a weird freakish way just creating my own routine and no interference. Talking about a #fail on my part!

What things did you feel guilty about during your deployments?




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9 Comments on Six Things I Felt Guilty About During Deployments

  1. I always feel guilty about those things too. Sometimes I would even not go somewhere new and I refuse to make his favorite meal when he’s not here, he gets mad at me for it but there are times I can get over the guilt and sometimes when I can’t. I always make sure that my kids aren’t missing out but if its somewhere I know he would love to go and had never been I try and wait for him. I went back to NJ because my family had a reunion and that’s where we are both from, I felt guilty the whole time. Here I was with my family and at the beach or on the boardwalk, and he’s overseas. I almost didn’t go at all for that reason but my aunt bought the plane tickets, she knew that I would never waste her money like that. In hindsight I am glad I went but I am happy that I will be bringing my husband with me in two weeks when we go back to NJ for a week visit before we PCS to Fort Bragg.

  2. Complaining! My husband doesn’t complain. He didn’t complain about the food, he didn’t complain about missing football season. He didn’t complain about going on missions all the time while most others didn’t have to go (he was a favorite driver). But I had so much going on and sometimes I would just breakdown and complain. He didn’t mind at all. He actually encouraged it. I complained when I moved from Jacksonville NC to El Paso TX all by myself, driving a U-Haul and towing a trailer. I complained when I had to go to work at 4 in the morning. I complained because my son was gone for the summer. All my friends said I had every right to complain about that stuff, but when I would let it slip to my husband, I felt so horrible! At least I knew I was going to be working at 4, so I knew to get enough sleep. 2,000 miles away from everyone you know is a long way, but at least I wasn’t getting shot at. My son being gone sucked, but at least it was just for the summer, my husband didn’t get to see him for almost 5 months! But instead of telling me all that, my husband would listen and just make me feel better. This deployment, I’m going to try MUCH harder to not complain!

  3. I haven’t made a couple of my husband’s favorite dinners since he left. I made one and then felt bad when we talked about it. So, those recipes have been put aside for the better part of year. We’ll enjoy them together when he finally gets home!

  4. You can’t put your life on “STOP” because of your husbands/wifes deployment. You have to continue living. My hubby is leaving on his 6th deployment and I will miss him alot but I have to keep on without him until he returns. He would’nt have it any other way.

  5. All of those things! I’ve only had to go thru one deployment so far, but it was tough. I also felt bad spending the extra money too. But my hubs was a champ the whole time. They live thru us while they are away. it just sucks they aren’t there to share it w/us..like we would like for them too.

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    The Skeptical Sweeper

  6. Hello! My husband was deployed for a year in Bosnia in 2002. During that time, I would feel so guilty about doing things without him, but I couldn’t sit at home with a three year old for a year. My husband is in the Army Reserve and goes away for two weeks in the summer. He usually goes in August, but had to go this month. He missed our son’s 6th grade graduation. I felt bad that he wasn’t there, but I refused to let it ruin my day. I am going to the movies today by myself for the first time.

  7. I am having this exact feeling right now! It is good to know that I am not the only one right now going through this. Everything you feel guilty about, I also feel guilty about doing! I almost even feel guilty for sleeping in our comfy bed when I know he is on comfortable!

  8. The question I have is about being fair to a deployed spouse. Yes both spouses suffer from depression,etc during the deployment but why is it stressed that the stay at home party, live life, go clubbing, dancing and have a good time while the spouse is away, while the other is risking their life daily? How does your deployed spouse get to “escape” their reality? They don’t get to, they have to sacrifice 7 days a week for 6-9 months straight, possibly longer. So why is it considered selfish, disrespectful or immature when they get back if they want to exclude you and do the same thing you did while they were gone?

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