You’ve missed your soldier. You’ve missed your family. What you may not have expected is that you’d become close friends with other military spouses, only to eventually move in opposite directions. Here’s how to stay connected with your girls around the world.
When You’re the One Left Behind
While on my first military base, my close friend and her family PCS’d to a different country. She went from being next door, always there, and part of my daily life, to being relocated in an entirely different timezone and felt worlds away. I was completely unprepared for the feelings of loneliness and emptiness that resulted from her absence. Gone were the spontaneous coffee chats, playdates, and long evening walks. I was left behind to reminisce about where we used to go and what we used to do, while she was nowhere in sight. My closest friend and confidant was whisked away and I had to grieve the loss.
When You’re the One to Move
Stay BFFs With These 10 Steps
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Don’t wait too long. Moving is tough, but don’t go too long without communications. Even if it’s just a quick message, let your friend know that she is on your mind.
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Share your voice and face. Go beyond typing and reading words on a screen. Make a point to have phone calls or video chats through Facebook, Google, Facetime or Skype.
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Plan dates. Pick a day and time to chat, so that you aren’t waiting around or missing opportunities. Consider a theme such as coffee or wine and both have beverages. Schedule it on your calendar and be sure to keep the date.
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Show her your new life. If you have moved to a new place, she can’t visualize your surroundings. Share photos of your new home and favorite spots you are visiting. Create a personalized hashtag so that your photos are in the same place. For example #JackieAndShandiBFF.
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Send mail. Going old school is worth its weight in gold. Tangible items such as cards, postcards, hand-written letters or even — gasp — printed photographs, can be a welcome sight for a lonely friend.
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Remember important dates. Contact her on her birthday and if you send holiday cards each year, add her to your list.
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Give gifts. My girlfriend and I have matching coffee mugs with our photo on them. We regularly sip coffee and share selfies to let the other know she’s on our mind.
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Plan visits. If possible, arrange a girls’ getaway. You go to her, she goes to you, or you meet in the middle. Time to make new memories!
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Have realistic expectations. Your friendship won’t look or feel the same as it did when you could see each other every week (or every day for that matter). Schedules may not line up and some time may pass between communications, stay flexible yet consistent.
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Remain positive. Support each other as your relationship transitions from face-to-face to long-distance, and encourage her to meet others and not wallow in the sorrow of what once was.
A New Chapter

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