types of soldiers
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A few weeks ago I wrote a post called the “10 Types of Military Wives“. My husband thought it was hilarious and said it made him think of the types of soldiers and Marines he has encountered in his 14 year military career. From there he came up with “The 8 Types of Soldiers (enter your branch)”.

I have never been in the military so I can’t say I can vouch, but I would love to know how close these comparisons come.

Remember it is all in fun folks , so don’t get your PT shorts in a wad!

1.To Damn Highly Motivated Soldier

This is the soldier who wants to jump out of planes, jump out of fox holes and will do all the jobs that nobody else wants too. They volunteer for everything. He usually tries to motivate others and picks the wrong time to want to be frickin motivating! He is not really an arse kisser though, he just genuinely is super hooah for no damn reason lol!

2.The Health Nut/PT Stud

This dude lives and breathes PT and working out. He is a protein shake addict and eats protein bars and brings his health food to work. He is for some reason the one who always gets picked to lead PT and do P90x on the day the majority of the group just wants to do a few leisure laps around the track and some jumping jacks. You can usually catch  him looking at your burger or breakfast sandwich though!

 3.GI Joe Cool

Laid back no matter how stressful or intense the situation may be. 9 out of 10 times the majority of the soldiers like to be around him because he/she actually knows how to talk and treat people like a human being and is fair. Easily relates to others!

4.The Workaholic

This is the soldier who is not usually a prick but no one really likes them because they always want to stay and work. They are the type that 10 minutes before it is time to leave for the day will find 5 extra things that they think should be done. They usually are divorced or have no outside life and so they have nothing but time to work over time. This type of soldier is usually the cause of angry wives wondering why their husbands can never seem to be home in time for dinner!

5.The Butthole/The Prick

This is the soldier who probably got picked on in high school and now that he has a job that puts him in a position of power, he makes everyone elses life hell. He is usually not liked by many and the focal point of many jokes. In some cases this person is also just arrogant and likes to be a jerk to others.

6.Gomer Pyle

This type of soldier means no harm but somehow always finds something to screw up. He is usually a young new soldier and as annoying and pissed as he can make you , you usually wind up taking them under your wing well because you kinda feel bad at them for being so clumsy and doofus like. Watch the show!

7.The Ass Kisser

Does this one really need an explanation? This is the soldier who who constantly kisses up to any higher ranking figure who he thinks can advance his career. Hell we all do a little butt kissing but this person over does it.

8.The Platoon Comedian

This soldier finds everything funny and can make anything funny even when it’s time to be serious. They are usually the center of attention at all platoon and unit functions and usually have the biggest mouth. They are usually the comic relief needed when morale is low!

Which one are you (or your spouse)?



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Krystel is the mom of two and an Army Wife. In addition to Army Wife 101 she is the Co-Founder of SoFluential.com a digital media agency that connects brands with the military market. She has appeared on MSNBC ,FOX LA and formerly was a weekly contributor to HLN's "Raising America". She has written for various outlets including Sheknows and Lifetime and is a big fan of cupcakes and french fries.

8 Comments on Soldier’s Corner: The 8 Types of Soldiers You Will Ever Encounter…Ask Your Husband Which One He Is?

  1. I love these and know a few of each type! I have to say though my husband definitely falls under the GI Joe Cool soldier! He has always been the calm one in any type of situation he has ever been in. It’s been a good thing in our marriage as well. Just the other night, he had come home from 24hr staff duty to have dinner with us and then go back until morning. Well our youngest (whom I think is part monkey) decides to climb on a step stool and then he fell off. Well thank goodness my hubby was home, because I went into panic mommy mode when I saw the gash in his chin. I immediately want to rush to the ER, which we did, after my husband calmed our son and I both down first! He kept saying they will probably just clean it off and send him home. I didn’t care, our child was hurt and had a gash on his face..we were going to the ER. So anyway we went and thankfully no stitches or glue was needed, just an awkward gash that nothing could really be done about, other than to let it heat on its own!

    • Hey Shelley! It’s always good to have a GI Joe Cool for a husband. I’m with you as mothers we see blood from our kid and we freak out, sometimes hubby has to calm us down lol. I am so glad your son was okay. Thanks for reading!

  2. I love my husband to pieces, but he is definately “The Butthole/The Prick” although he is a big teddy bear at home, he takes his job seriously and expects the others to do so as well. He loved his job on the trail training new recruits. This was a funny read, and we have seen all of these “types” of soldiers in our many years in the military!

    • Hi Tina!

      Thanks for stopping by to comment. It’s refreshing to see someone actually admit that. i never thought that I would see someone agree that their husband fits that characteristic lol. I am glad you enjoyed and thanks for reading :)

  3. These are hilarious. Being former military myself,, I have run across a few of the types. As for my husband, he is a cross between G.I. Joe Cool and Workaholic.

  4. My hubs is definitely the Health Nut/GI Joe Cool! :D This was a fun list, made us both laugh! My hubs can be caught at anytime downing Muscle Milk, and outdoing the ‘young guns’ in PT. ;) He’s also such an easy going guy that gets along with everyone, I don’t think he has one enemy. :)

  5. LOL, I think my husband is the Platoon Comedian. Not mostly because he’s funny, mostly because he’s a goofball & trips & drops stuff all the time & people laugh WITH him. Haha.

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